Belongings
by babyshampoo
Summary: Blinking away her tears, Relena clutched her bag close to her heart and scuttled away to escape the vision of Heero Yui. She would not cross the road. It was too risky for her sanity. A HxRxQxC romance!
1. Heero: Choices part 01

Belongings   
  
Heero: Choices  
  
Part one  
  
A Gundam Wing Fan fiction by Louise Tjandrasjahan  
  
  
Heero was typing away furiously on his laptop, his eyebrows   
furrowed deeply as he contemplated on what he had to say in his annual   
report. It was one of the responsibilities he had to carry out as a fellow   
Preventer, which had been his main occupation for the past few years.   
Although he didn't have his Gundam anymore, soldiering was in his main   
list of expertise, so he decided to accept the position together with his   
past war comrades.   
  
He didn't exactly understand what truly motivated him to join the   
elite military group, accepting the preposition only because he had no   
choice. He had been so used to orders and missions he almost couldn't   
decide what was the best for him himself. The orders and missions had   
been his whole life, at least until the war ended recently.  
  
At least he was able to earn his own living and independence,   
having noone to act as his guardian. Or should he say, people were very   
reluctant to accept the responsibility of having him as their ward. Even at   
the tender age of sixteen, he was forced to fend his own life. The only job   
allowing him to be younger than eighteen was the Preventer, so he   
practically had no choice.   
  
In any case, he had to live, and he had to work in order to maintain   
his own welfare. Not that he needed someone to take care of him. He   
had always been alone for as long as he could remember and had taken   
care of himself all right. Well, most of the time, anyway.  
  
Except for one thing, no, one girl – a woman, he had to clarify. He   
basically could never escape from the woman, and she very nearly drove   
him into insanity with her antiques. Assault by assault, she had penetrated   
his steel barriers of self-preservation, taking away his sense of confidence   
and security, and stripping him of all his consciousness and logic. It wasn't   
a rare occasion when he was self-driven to kill her, but he always ended   
up rescuing her again, and again, and again…  
  
Why?  
  
Why did he keep messing around with his own logic?  
  
Why must she always survive from his own strong principle that   
'obstacle must die'?   
  
She was Relena – a princess, a minister, and a diplomat. A bold,   
slashing tongued woman he had always encountered or seen in the   
broadcasts of world conferences. But she was also a girl – used to be a girl,   
for she was now a fully-grown woman of twenty and two – who loved   
fashion and boys and juicy gossips.   
  
And a distraction as well. Don't believe it? Take at the moment, for   
example.  
  
Groaning, Heero saved his work in frustration and ceased his typing,   
slumping against the back of his chair as he massaged the bridge of his   
nose tiredly. His mouth formed a thin grim line. The thought of Relena had   
always popped up into his mind in the most inconvenient time, mostly   
when he needed his full concentration to do his work.   
  
After wasting fifteen minutes trying to return to his work, he finally   
gave up and shut down his laptop. Rising slowly to his feet, he cleared the   
strewn books around him and walked straight to the kitchen. Placing a   
mug of cold coffee into the microwave, he hopped onto the kitchen   
counter and skimmed his surrounding in silent contemplation. His usually   
stern dark eyes went dull as he discerned the quietness around him.   
  
It was mostly nice to have a quiet surrounding, but he found himself   
growing more and more attached to the liveliness of his comrade-at-arms,   
especially Duo. Duo's jests mostly caused him to lose control of his temper,   
but he couldn't help thinking Duo's smart mouthed remarks were actually   
what keeping him sane as he unfolded the life before him.   
  
And of course, there was also Relena.   
  
How long had it been since he last heard her melodious chimes of   
laughter? As far as he wanted to kill Duo for turning him into an   
occasional laughing stock, he couldn't deny the effects Relena's laughter   
had bestowed upon him. Should he call it a bless or a curse? First, his skin   
would tingling uncomfortably as the melody entered his ears, but soon a   
warm fuzzy feeling would pool into his mind, creating a nest of raw joy.   
  
Nevertheless, he had yet to question his current state of happiness.  
  
His apartment was on the second floor of the building – small and   
simple, but well furnished with a style he could simply describe as   
contemporary. He bought it soon after he had virtually taken off with his   
career three, four years ago. So far his military career had been excellent,   
and he had somehow patched up the things left in his persona after the   
war.   
  
It wasn't easy to live in a world so different from what he knew as a   
little child, but he vowed he would survive even if it meant he had to   
reconstruct his personality. It would be impossible to alter his personality   
completely, but he was content to think of the idea as his temporary   
major assignment. People had to survive, and only people with the will   
and the flexibility would endure in this cruel, harsh world.   
  
He had worked diligently and managed to claim the position as one   
of Preventer's aces along with his four pilot comrades – Duo Maxwell,   
Trowa Barton, Quatre Winner and Chang Wu Fei. However, unlike the four   
of them, who had never considered Preventer as their main occupations,   
he chose to commit himself completely in the arena, while Duo chose to   
become a Priest, Trowa a famous Acrobat, Quatre the successor of his   
father's world-spread oil company and Wu Fei a college student, pursuing   
his dreams of becoming a scholar. Again, military was the only option for   
him to lead a completely different life from his old days as a terrorist,   
although he was also helping in Technical Department of Mobile Suit   
Development.  
  
As much as he denied it, he had been ecstatic when he had finally   
given a chance to reassemble his life upon a brand new foundation,   
although the path of career extended before him was a bit of a   
disappointment. He secretly wished he had known other things so he was   
allowed to pursue another career path, but he had reach an   
understanding within himself, in any case.   
  
It was rather a strong argument that his skill as a soldier was   
formidable, and the world needed him for his skill alone, to maintain the   
stage of peace they had attained so far. As Relena had clarified a few   
years before, there was no such thing as true pacifism. Even peace had to   
be gained by wars, by all means necessary. Reluctant at first, he   
considered the option of going back to college, but in the end accepted   
the fact that he was desperately needed and resigned to the job, a sign   
he was now more open minded to the going-on in the world.   
  
Heero winced as he heard a lighting strike, followed by a loud   
thunder, and shook his head rapidly to shrug off the daze. At the same   
time, his ears perked up as he heard the microwave tinkling weakly. His   
coffee was ready.   
  
As the pitter-patter of the rain echoed against the window glass   
like musical notes, he languidly made his way toward the window, a mug   
of coffee in one hand. His eyes narrowed in silent observation as he lifted   
the flimsy material of the curtain with the back of his hand, watching as   
the rain hit the cemented pavement on the ground floor of his apartment   
in a harmonious rhythm.  
  
Ah, it is raining, he mused, smiling.  
  
He shivered slightly as cold seeped into his bare skin; reality finally   
sank into his mind. Clad only in his jeans, he eyed himself and smirked at   
the insufficiency of his attire. Heat had preoccupied the room awhile ago,   
that was why he had taken off his top. But he apparently had to dig his   
closet for a warm pullover now.   
  
Smirking, he thought of how ironically different he was from the   
Heero he had been six years ago.   
  
As a teenager, he had been the entitled Perfect Soldier, cold and   
calculating, with an endurance of steel. Now, with him retiring from the   
not-so-affectionate title, he found himself being more and more spoiled by   
the peace and the lack of action. The effects of cold weather had   
apparently taken its toll on his body these days.   
  
There were even times when he would just prefer lying on the bed,   
curling like a lazy cat, with a mug of steamy hot chocolate by his bedside   
table, reading some action comics or listening to soft, classical music. He   
didn't even know he had it in him until Relena came one day and literally   
forced him to listen to a composition by Dvorak, and the point had   
eventually triggered his love in classical music.  
  
Pleasure and bewilderment washed over him as he attempted to   
cope with the new aspects of himself. It proved that the way to his   
humanity was not all too impossible as he may see at the beginning. On   
the other hand, he was also increasingly frightened by the fact that   
sometimes he didn't recognise himself anymore. Everything happened too   
damn fast for him.   
  
Lifting the corners of his mouth ever so slightly, Heero slid the window   
open, leaning forward to inhale the sweet scent of the rain. The drizzle   
was sprinkled on his bare torso as a strong icy wind gushed inside, making   
him clench his teeth as another shiver travelled down his spine, the hair on   
the his nape prickled.   
  
Inhaling some portion of fresh cool air, he ignored the chill and   
placed his bottom on the sill carefully, before finally drawing both his legs   
up. Swiftly, he fished a crushed pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of his   
jeans' pocket, and ignited one, puffing little circles of white smokes as he   
swept the forest scenery before him. He smiled ironically as he glanced at   
the other end of his cigarette, minimized into scorching burning ashes.   
  
So much for the environmental campaign Relena had been   
establishing all the time.  
  
As the gauzy smoke blended into the air, Heero was suddenly   
immersed in his recollections of more recent events, the drizzle being one   
of the reminding factors.  
  
His encounter with Relena had always been brief and non-eventful,   
just like the transparent white smoke, fading as quickly as it was produced.   
When was the last time he had a civil and proper conversation with   
Relena? Their encounters were only limited to cordial greetings and polite   
nods.   
  
However, he once spent some quality time with her. Their   
conversation always lingered in his mind, and he couldn't help going back   
to the memory and mulling it over although he knew that he would not   
solve his problems just by being silent.   
  
He had met her in a rainy day, just like this one, a few months ago.   
She had been walking alone in the lawn behind the walls of Preventer   
Headquarters Building, favouring nobody's company despite her   
bodyguard's insisting on following her for security reason. Being Relena, she   
didn't heed their advice and proceed to do as she wished.   
  
He had been outside her office and accidentally heard her   
pleading for her privacy, her young voice filled with anxiety as she   
explained, her patience strained, "Gentlemen, I'm old enough to take   
care of myself. Besides, I'd be safe here. Noone would ever dream of   
crossing their path into Preventer Headquarters. Even a professional   
assassin would think twice before entering."  
  
There had been a mumble coming from one of the men, then a   
bang on the table. Heero smirked at the memory. They must have never   
been caught in Relena's sudden temper flares. She might have looked like   
an innocent little lady, but in reality, it wasn't wise to mess with her.   
  
It was an understatement that she was trying to be meek and   
modest in front of people, but he often caught her off guard with her fiery   
persona when she was dealing with annoying subjects. And…oh boy,   
wasn't he in big surprise when the door swung open, almost breaking his   
nose in the process? A very angry Relena emerged, never once looking   
the slightest sorry. Oh yes, she did attempt an apology, but her anger   
must have dominated her mind at the moment.   
  
Puffing more circles of smoke to the air, he smiled as he recalled the   
seemingly surreal encounter. 


	2. Heero: Choices part 02

Belongings   
  
Heero: Choices  
  
Part two  
  
A Gundam Wing Fan fiction by Louise Tjandrasjahan  
  
  
Relena stopped in the middle of her track and turned around only   
to find Heero standing before her, one hand clutching his stack of   
documents in an awkward position and the other in front of his face,   
clearly protecting it from the expected impact with the wooden door.   
  
Her face was crimson red as she eyed him back anxiously. Guttural   
grunts escaped from the back of her throat as she struggled for apology,   
but failed as she couldn't find her voice, much too surprised by Heero's   
sudden appearance in front of her office. However, her angry features   
softened at his sight, and as she closed the door behind her, she managed   
a formal greeting, "How are you, Heero?"  
  
"Fine." Heero simply answered, yet he couldn't resist the urge to   
frown upon the stiff greeting. Relena, regardless the formality of their   
surroundings, had always managed to act caring and friendly toward   
him. He realised then he had taken all those traits for granted.   
  
Irritation lingered as the sudden changes registered in his mind,   
making him wondering quietly what had actually happened to her in the   
past few days. Oh yes, he had snatched sights of Relena between his   
work, and uptight was not the right word to describe her. Furious was   
more an appropriate word, and it wiped all trace of calm and ease she   
usually displayed even in the most desperate situation.  
  
And somehow, amidst the awkwardness, Relena was trying to   
avoid him. Her eyes were anywhere but him, and her body language   
screamed relentless. She had always had time for him before, even in the   
busiest situation when they could only manage a simple greeting.   
  
Of course, Heero was never one to beg for attention, although he   
started to feel the uncomfortable twinge of being somehow ignored. So   
he lifted one eyebrow in his own way to say good day to Relena, and   
proceeded to walk to his own office at the other end of the corridor,   
bouncing the document stack a little bit as he balanced it on his hip.   
  
He could see Relena walking to the opposite direction as the sound   
of Relena's high heels clipping against the marble floor became fainter   
and fainter. And when the tinkling sound of the elevator reached his ears,   
he knew Relena was well off his eyesight, probably going to her favourite   
brooding spot. Something beyond mere annoyance must have   
happened to her. As if he ever cared.  
  
And yet you are curious, no, care.  
  
A small voice at the back of his head whispered, and he winced,   
reprimanding himself to keep his mind straight and out of Relena.   
However, his eyes kept wandering back to the spot where Relena almost   
crushed his nose, and remembered how much desperation he noticed in   
her hollow aquamarine eyes – their pale colour pleading for him to look   
further behind her strong exterior of total confidence.   
  
He reached the corridor with glass windows lining on one side of the   
wall, and he halted in the middle of his step as his sensitive ears caught   
the sound of drizzles transmitted through the clear windowpane. Tilting his   
head to one side, he observed the rain absent-mindedly as his index finger   
traced the path of rolling water beads the rain left on the glass absent-  
mindedly. His mind was again engrossed back in the questioning of   
Relena's earlier sad, puppy-eyed expression, yet he also didn't possess the   
means or understanding to answer them.   
  
Oh, the rain is getting a bit heavier.  
  
Relena had not wear any sufficient clothing for her protection, let   
alone taking an umbrella with her. Where was she? He usually could care   
less, but just for the moment the thought of Relena catching even the   
slightest cold disturbed his mind. Unfortunately, it also wasn't his right to   
pry into Relena's private life.   
  
He had learnt from his past experience to keep away from her in   
order to maintain the focus of his mind. She was the source of his   
vulnerability, exposing his innermost self. Her mere tears proved to be his   
undoing, whether he wanted to admit it or not. She made his stomach   
flipped over only by looking at her figure. He had hated the whole   
experience so far.  
  
Blinking twice, he saw a figure emerged, casually striding toward   
the rose bush Relena had so insistently asked to plant and care for. He was   
unable to see the face since he was standing on the third floor of the   
building, but he didn't need visual assurance to confirm that she was   
Relena.   
  
It was her rose bush, anyway. She had been taking care of it   
without assistance, spending chilly morning air and scorching afternoon   
sun, helping the roses to fully bloom into the glorious crown of petals.   
Noone cared good enough to plant rose bush in a military headquarters   
except her, although she had been adamant about the activity being   
her only means of escaping stress and keeping her sanity in line more than   
once.   
  
He slid the windowpane open as he kept his eyes fixed on Relena.   
His eyes were devoid of all emotions as he watched her crouch before the   
rose bush and started to stab the hard ground with her small spade, her   
latex-gloved hand expertly yanking the disturbing weeds.   
  
He was concentrating too much on the vision before him that he   
didn't even hear someone approaching from behind and tap his shoulder   
lightly to attract his attention. Whirling around, his hand searched   
instinctively for the non-existent gun usually resided on the spot near his   
waist, and frowned when he finally remembered he had left the gun in   
one of his desk drawers. He couldn't help feeling miffed about himself. He   
relaxed visibly, though, when he noticed the person who had disturbed his   
little moment of rumination.   
  
Trowa Barton.  
  
The other man smiled ever so slightly and acknowledged him with a   
nod, which he returned with a similar curt nod and a crisp salute as well.   
  
"I saw Relena in the garden, alone." Trowa started casually, his   
stance relaxed as he slowly buried his hands into the pockets of his   
Preventer uniform.   
  
"And I've been watching you spying on her for the past few   
minutes, but you've been so absorbed you didn't even sense my   
existence. So much for your sensitive basic instinct."   
  
The comment bordered on insult, but the ever-quiet Trowa   
somehow managed to make it sound like a light form of joke. There was a   
hint of amusement in his voice, but of course, being Trowa, he refused to   
provoke things further without strong evidences.  
  
Being caught in an embarrassing situation, Heero did nothing but   
shrugging off the comment, pretending the whole earlier episode never   
happened. He didn't respond to what Trowa had remarked, reluctant to   
start a confrontation with his tall comrade. Besides, he simply didn't know   
how to respond.   
  
With Duo, he might have chased him around with a gun or snarled   
at the mischievous young priest, but he would always took Trowa seriously,   
even if the other was joking unexpectedly. Even beneath his hidden joke,   
Trowa had always had something to say about life – his own life, their lives,   
and the nature around them.  
  
"I'll deliver the documents to your office. If you want to." Trowa's   
gentle offer caused Heero to snap his head up in repressed surprise.   
Gesturing with his chin to the window's direction, he then remarked, "You   
follow her."  
  
"That's unnecessary," Heero flatly turned down the offer, his eyes   
avoiding Trowa's emerald ones as he turned on his heels, ready to leave   
for his office, "Do you want me to kill her? May be I should remind you,   
Trowa Barton…"  
  
"You have to do it." Trowa quickly insisted. His face was an   
uncharacteristic mask as he took over the documents from Heero's grip   
placidly, and his eyes shining with a serene sense of camaraderie, "Talk to   
her."   
  
Opening his mouth to refuse Trowa's implied order, he wisely   
clamped his mouth at the end. He challenged Trowa's depth of emerald   
eyes unwaveringly, but finally nodded when he witnessed something   
suspiciously like a plea reflected in the depths. Spinning on his heels, he left   
to fetch a wide umbrella. 


	3. Heero: Choices part 03

Belonging  
  
Heero: Choices  
  
Part three  
  
A Gundam Wing Fan fiction by Louise Tjandrasjahan  
  
  
It wasn't easy for her to accept what had happened to her in the past few   
days, but she managed to pull herself through so far. It still shocked the hell   
out of her, however. Even after a few days of brooding and sleeping pills, she   
still couldn't elude the feeling of being scandalised. Her mistake was that she   
never saw the problem coming, but come it did. And believe her, it was in her   
list of her worst nightmares. And thank you very much indeed, she fumed silently   
as she dug out more weeds ferociously and tossed them into the available basket   
beside her.   
  
Mud splattered as she stabbed the ground furiously with her spade, hissing   
and cursing viciously. Somehow she expected her temper to mellow down a little   
bit with her sudden spur of action, but somehow it only fuelled her resentment.   
She couldn't believe he would do that to her! And under a very obvious   
circumstances, too.  
  
Relena wiped her wet face as beads of rain ran down her face, managing to   
stain her smooth fleck-free skin with soil. She blinked her eyes rapidly. For   
her, the prospect of playing with mud and sand was one of the most appealing   
experiences while gardening.   
  
This time the fun was absent, however. She was far too angry and tired to   
really revel in the joy of gardening she treasured most of time.   
  
Sitting on her heels, she sighed in exhaustion. Her thought finally calmed   
down as she relaxed her body eventually, echoing only a dull ache in her heart.   
Ignoring the stains of mud on her clothes, she shivered involuntary as she   
hugged herself. Beads of rain slowly seeped into her thin cardigan, chilling her   
soft skin. An ironic smile spread across her features as she raised her face   
skyward. Tasting the sweet flavour of the free falling rain, she closed her damp   
eyes.  
  
She would not cry now.  
  
Relena only opened her eyes when the rain stopped plummeting on her face   
altogether. Raised her eyebrows in mild surprise, she let her curiosity wander   
even if only for a while as her eyes encountered a very bright red object on top   
of her head.  
  
Crimson. Bloody scarlet. Bright, blinding red.  
  
The rich colour insulted her eyes, and she looked away from it to meet   
Heero's intense azure orbs. She was more than ready to scold him for disturbing   
her reverie, and yet her annoyance melted quickly into awe as realisation dawned   
upon her. She had never expected Heero to be there for her, especially in the   
moments when she had needed his emotional support. Well, he did show up in   
critical situations, but it was mostly for the physical, security reasons.   
  
Not for the sentimental reasons, she mused inwardly.   
  
One hand flew to the base of her neck in a defensive gesture, as the   
sudden and illogical urge to protect herself against his intense atmosphere   
overwhelmed her feelings. Her other hand swept a wet strand off her face as she   
narrowed her jewel eyes in scrutiny, drinking the sight before her. Or, should   
she say, measuring him warily from head to toe.  
  
"Oh, it's you." Relena remarked indifferently as she turned away from him,   
trying very hard to ignore Heero's presence as she focused her mind back to the   
task she had been doing before the distraction. She would never cry before Heero   
Yui. Never ever. And she didn't plan to break her vow any time soon. She just   
prayed he had never seen her tears earlier.   
  
Heero merely lifted an eyebrow at her cold display and planted one hand   
casually into his waist. Annoyance darkened the colour of his eyes, although his   
overall stance betrayed none of his resentment.   
  
Relena's attitude made him think, unfortunately.   
  
It wasn't common for Relena to avoid him, and never in their four years of   
acquaintance did she ignore him. She was always excited and happy whenever they   
saw each other, much to his annoyance and satisfaction.   
  
She even reached the point of inanely crying one day, when she greeted him   
from returning from his ever-expanding missions. She had annoyed the hell out of   
him when she jumped onto him all of sudden, causing both of them to lose balance   
and fell on the ground. However, as much as he told himself that he disliked her   
attention, there was always this warm emotion lingering in his heart whenever he   
set his eyes upon her delicate features and her soft smile.  
  
Relena probably didn't want him to know that she had been crying, but he   
caught her shedding the tears, even as she turned away to avoid his eyes.   
Whatever happened must have grated on her sturdy walls of security.   
  
Narrowing his cobalt eyes into two slits, Heero scrutinised the slender   
back of the young woman who once had gladly thrown herself within the range of   
his lethal gun. Tenderness soon stole its way to his eyes as they marvelled   
along the silky sandy blonde tresses, beads of rain dangling and shimmering on   
each end of the thread like little diamonds.   
  
Tightening his hold on the umbrella's handle, Heero stifled a sigh as he   
crouched down beside her. He grinded his teeth when his shoulder brushed hers   
accidentally, and the urge to run his fingers along the iridescent tresses   
intensified all of sudden. A temptation it was, her damp but irresistibly   
beautiful strands.  
  
Heero almost smiled as he regarded her quietly with inexplicable pride.   
She was really beautiful, he had always told himself. And he was confident other   
people would have agreed with him. Time had presented them with Relena's fully   
bloomed beauty.   
  
It was true Relena still had the same facial features – the same sparkling   
aquamarine eyes, small and straight nose, and the same rosy buds of lips, but   
the recent years had also presented him with a different Relena. She had opted   
to wear her longer hair into a classic and stylish coil on her nape, fastened by   
a simple diamond pin she favoured more than any other intricate jewellery.   
  
Her figure had ripened as well. Her body had matured into the curvaceous   
figure of a mature woman, and she had chosen her fashion carefully, reflecting   
her no-nonsense nature as well as the consciousness of the power that her   
physical development had given her. She was no longer the dreamy girl who   
favoured frilly dress over practical and well-fitted office garb she preferred   
to wear now.  
  
Primarily, she had gained grace and confidence along with her experiences   
of dealing with difficult people and bureaucrats, who simply had no wish to   
acknowledge her authority despite her abilities as a minister. Time had been   
harsh to Relena Peacecraft, but it had also done her a big favour by moulding   
her into a self-assured young woman. The softness that used to be evident on her   
face had hardened with wisdom and resolution as calm reigned gloriously over her   
handsome features. She was no longer a girl pretending to be an adult or a   
queen. She was a real woman and a queen now.  
  
"Something was bothering you." Heero started conversationally, one   
fingertip brushing a wet strand, tucking it behind her ear. He could sense her   
body stiffened under his touch. Her hand clutched the spade's handle painfully,   
her eyes widened. Turning around, she tried to glare at him, but finally   
softened her expression as she slid off her latex-gloves and slung them on the   
brim of her basket. She could never be angry with Heero even if the world came   
to an end.   
  
Rising slowly to her feet, she wiped her damp face with the back of her   
hand. Her eyes never left his, as if waiting for him to say something. She   
sighed and resigned as it occurred to her that he would not say a word any   
sooner.   
  
"You changed, Heero." Instead she told him melancholically. Her eyes were   
wistful as they follow his every movement, although she attempted to chase away   
her emotions by pretending to smooth the wrinkles of her wet skirt. Her crystal   
blue eyes sparkling for a brief moment, she flashed him a brave grin and added   
hastily, "But I do think it's not enough to understand my dilemma."  
  
An eyebrow lifted, and a dry, "Why, try me."  
  
Waving a hand in plain dismissal, Relena gave away a non-committal sigh.   
Turning away to leave him, she glanced at her watch as she informed him without   
expression, "I have a meeting in a few hours at Andorra Summit Building. If I go   
now, I will still have time to have a nice hot shower before getting ready."   
  
Heero's hand slashed through the air and grabbed her arm in a dead grip,   
forcing a startled gasp out of the little mouth of hers. Glaring balefully at   
Heero, she ignored the dangerous glint in Heero cobalt blue eyes and tried to   
shrug out of his grip without avail. The message of Heero's action was clear,   
though. It was: tell me everything, or else…  
  
Stifling the urge to sigh her frustration, Relena eyed him indignantly as   
she finally resigned, silently admitted her strength would never match Heero's.   
She began to relax under Heero's steely grip gradually and even pulled away to   
cross her arms in front of her chest in an awkward attempt. She tugged slightly   
at Heero's hand since he refused to release her arm in fear she would avoid him   
and refused to answer his question.   
  
Rolling her eyes at his display of stubbornness, Relena informed him   
cynically, "I'm not going anywhere, Mister. So if you'll be so kind as to   
release my poor throbbing arm…your grip is crushing it." Wiping a wet strand out   
of her face, she grumbled in a low voice, "Men,"  
  
Much to her surprise, Heero lifted the corners of his lips in what seemed   
to be an apologetic smile, and loosened his hold on her. She stepped back as   
soon as he released her, but kept her promise nonetheless.   
  
Rubbing her sore arm, she glared at him menacingly before inhaling deeply   
and telling him the whole story. In truth, Heero was the last person she wanted   
to speak about her problem with, "Quatre has proposed a marriage to me," There   
was a short pause before she hastily added, "And he is serious."  
  
His expression didn't waver as what she had expected. She was right as   
usual. Instead of getting the reaction she so longed to hear, he only presented   
her with his ignorance, and soon disappointment filled the holes of her broken   
heart. She was twice broken-hearted.   
  
Seeing Heero with his cold expressionless eyes staring back at her stabbed   
and wounded her deeply. She didn't mind seeing his anger or even hearing his   
cold and heartless remark, but she didn't want him to freeze, uttering nothing   
but looking at her as if…as if what?   
  
She didn't understand. Never could she interpret it. She had never seen   
him so…concerned?   
  
Was it concern she was witnessing in Heero's face? It had to be her   
imagination. Heero had never been taken aback by anything, especially by things   
happening to her.  
  
Still, he didn't say a word, and what she saw just then was gone in   
seconds. Her imagination apparently had led her to believe that he still cared.   
  
At any rate, it was her fault. She shouldn't have told Heero in the first   
place. Heartache was all she would receive in the end. What did she see in a   
person like him anyway? He never cared even for his own emotional needs. And he   
was never willing to acknowledge her existence in his world. Mourning her   
dignity and retreating behind her mask of formality and false smiles were the   
best she could do to cover her growing love and hate. Inside, she was hurt,   
bleeding and wounded.  
  
Gathering the small amount of pride and courage still left within her, she   
squared her shoulders bravely in an attempt to restore a bit of her stripped   
dignity, although her voice cracked as she produced a barely audible whisper,   
"Satisfied?"  
  
Nodding, Heero frowned as he put his hand on her shoulder and felt it   
stiffening once again. Was she afraid of him? Was he too rough on her? There   
were millions of other questions he wished he could ask her, but in his   
foolishness he asked the question he shouldn't have even thought about instead.  
  
"Do you love Quatre?" he blurted, his fists clenched as soon as he   
realised his stupidity.  
  
The answer should have come with ease, since she had known it a long time   
ago. Even as friendship blossomed between them as the result of their   
collaboration in the world of politics and economics, she had never regarded   
Quatre Raberba Winner as a lover.   
  
However, as she gazed deeply into Heero's eyes, Relena found it difficult   
to tell the once-her-killer candidate the matter of her heart, afraid of his   
latter reaction. She took a sudden interest in her shirt's buttons as relentless   
enveloped her persona, prolonging her time to answer the simple but difficult   
question.   
  
"No." Relena closed her eyes as she finally breathed out her answer along   
with a rush of air. She wanted to cry, but she blinked the tears away, willing   
herself not to weep in front of Heero. She didn't want him to stare at her   
mercilessly as she shattered before him.  
  
Unexpected relief washed over him as he suppressed the urge to circle his   
arm around her shoulders and crushed her into his embrace. He never wished to   
worsen the already complicated situation. He had somehow managed to get himself   
tangled in her problems by asking her the question, so he didn't want to add to   
the troubles.  
  
However, he was once again baffled by his own stupidity as he blurted   
without thinking, "Do you love someone else?" Self-destruct was the only   
appealing idea for him to do at the moment. He felt downright imprudent, stupid.  
  
Aquamarine orbs widened in surprise, she found herself stumbling for an   
answer, searching her brain for an appropriate response to his blunt question.   
An uncertain smile started to spread across her features, and amusement melted   
the coldness in her heart as she finally resolved in half the truth. Placing a   
palm flat against his chest, she tiptoed and whispered her answer in his ear; a   
slight smile appeared as she caught Heero's astonished expression, "I supposed.   
Do you?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Love someone?" Relena knew well she was pushing her luck, but she could   
care less. The moment she told Heero she didn't love Quatre was enough a   
statement to shatter her cover of indifferent shell. Like it or not, she would   
demand an honest answer. It was only fair of him, since he had been so insistent   
in uncovering her deepest emotions. Feeling like being bold, she jabbed a finger   
at his chest, her lips curved up into a slight smirk as she warned him gently,   
"And don't try to run away."  
  
Permitting himself the luxury of a simple genuine smile, Heero simply   
gathered her smaller frame into his arm and tucked her head under his chin, his   
eyes fluttering close in appreciation as he revelled in the silky texture of her   
hair. He knew she was waiting for his answer, but he would savour the silent   
moment dearly, enjoying every second of the soft drumming sounds of his heart   
beating against his ribcage, with some strange, unfamiliar emotions fluttering.   
  
He could sense resistance coming from Relena, but instead of letting her   
go, he tightened his arms. Quickly he shielded both of them under the umbrella   
as she shivered against him, unconsciously snuggling up to the source of his   
body heat.  
  
"Where…?" anxiety sounded in the unfinished question, and Relena finished   
it with a reprimanded look, "I'm not going back with you. Besides, you dodged   
me. Again."  
  
Lifting his eyebrows in mock astonishment, Heero countered her accusation   
with a mild, "Am I?"  
  
"Yes, you are." Nodding in satisfaction, she apparently took pleasure in   
measuring his reaction, "Don't tell me you don't feel. You're a human-being,   
after all."  
  
Heero needed a few seconds to consider his response. After all, he was in   
the mood for a light bantering, something that rarely came his way, considering   
his dark personality and people's reluctance to get acquainted with him.   
  
"Let's just say that…" he said conversationally, a hint of teasing evident   
in his voice, "I still don't understand a lot of things."   
  
Almost smiling, Relena merely shrugged as she told him, "I knew you would   
say such things." Quickening her pace, she followed Heero silently. Sensing her   
willingness to follow him, he tightened his hold on Relena's lithe shoulder and   
steered her to the direction of a shelter not so far away from where they were.  
  
His sanctuary. 


	4. Heero: Choices part 04

Belonging  
  
Heero: Choices  
  
Part four  
  
A Gundam Wing Fan fiction by Louise Tjandrasjahan  
  
It was an old hangar, which had been abandoned a long time ago in favour of the   
newer one just a few metres away. The place was huge, but it was also   
unbelievably empty. It lacked the liveliness that the newer hangar possessed -   
musty smell filled her lungs as she inhaled the air around her, and her voice   
echoed against the steel wall everytime she spoke to Heero.   
  
Relena followed Heero cautiously, stumbling forward as her arms flailed for   
support. She blinked her eyes, naturally adjusting them to the dim light in the   
chamber, the main reason of her trouble. She exhaled in relief as Heero's hand   
grasped hers and guided her in certain strides. A small smile appeared on her   
lips as she overheard Heero mumbled apologetically as he commented on how long   
he hadn't been able to clean his 'place'. He practically asked her to 'forgive'   
the mustiness.  
  
As her eyes adjusted in the dark, she could outline a few things in the old   
hangar. An old model of a battle mobile suit - possibly was not active anymore,   
a set of desk and its swivelling chair, complete with its desk lamp, and a bunk.   
All were in pretty good condition, except for the mobile suit. However, it was   
also pretty clear someone was working on the mobile suit, possibly Heero. Who   
else? He was the one who had announced the place was his, anyway.  
  
"I'll turn on the lights." Heero offered mildly as he strode pass the shivering   
Relena and flicked the main light control lightly. Relena had to squint her eyes   
as a flood of light brightened the chamber in a second, blinding her temporarily   
with its intensity. When she finally managed to pop one eye open, her vision was   
once again obscured, this time by a large towel that Heero casually dropped on   
top of her head.  
  
"Dry yourself," It was an order, not a request. She was staring at him in   
exasperation as he calmly dabbed his own towel on his face, the bunk squeaked   
beneath his weight as he perched his bottom on the edge. The whole episode was   
entirely very Heero. His arrogance, his pride, everything. Sighing her   
frustration away, she started by rubbing her hair with the towel roughly,   
pouring her annoyance onto the innocent golden hair.  
  
Heero hid his smile behind the towel as he gazed intently at the sight before   
him. The woman did as he bid much to his satisfaction, carefully wiping all wet   
traces on her skin, although she kept her vigilance and eyed him warily. He   
didn't care. As long as she didn't say something that grated on his nerves, she   
could stare at him until the end of the world.   
  
Hopping onto his feet, he began rummaging a wooden trunk beside the bunk,   
drawing out a black sweatshirt, a navy blue woollen garb and two pairs of jeans   
in the process. Laying them neatly on the bunk, he eyed Relena and the soaked   
fabric that had almost become her second skin alternately.   
  
The material, Heero noted, had clung seductively on her well-shaped figure. As   
much as she attempted to stay modest and obscured her ample breasts by crossing   
her arms in front of them, he couldn't help but marvel at the beauty presented   
before his very eyes. Shaking his head warily, he chided himself inwardly and   
discarded his wild imagination. He had never lost control of himself, but his   
mind was always in jeopardy when it came to Relena.   
  
However, his logic ruled and he killed his emotions instantly. His mind started   
to work properly when he noticed Relena was shivering from the cold.   
  
"Try these," Heero extended the black sweatshirt and one of the jeans pairs to   
her, his eyes darting to the left and right in search of his electronic heater.   
He didn't want Relena to catch pneumonia on his account. "Certainly too big for   
you, but enough to warm your body."   
  
His eyes brightened when he finally found the heater, and as soon as Relena took   
the materials from his hands, he was busy with the task of setting up the   
heater. He seldom used it, being resistant against the cold air, but he was   
lucky the rusty heater still worked properly. Wiping imaginary dust on his damp   
trousers, he got up to his feet with a satisfied smile as the reflection of the   
heater's small fire danced in his eyes.  
  
Relena hesitantly fingered the soft and rough materials and clutched it to her   
chest, but she kept eyeing Heero as if expecting him to do something.   
  
"What?" the young man prompted as he proceeded to slide off his own uniform and   
hopped casually into his own jeans. Slipping his arms into the navy blue garb,   
he didn't bother tying the sash, innocently revealing his well-toned chest and   
abdomen.   
  
Eyeing him perplexingly, apparently for his lack of tact, Relena was frowning as   
she pointed out, "I couldn't change my outfit if you're looking."  
  
A healthy tinge of red stole its way onto his face, and Heero, almost gaping at   
his own indiscretion, turned around to avoid further embarrassing situation.   
This was one of the situations that made him uncomfortable whenever Relena was   
with him. He actually couldn't control what would happen.   
  
"I saw a lot of people naked in the soldiers' barrack. Yours alone wouldn't   
affect me." He lied as he tried to calm his pounding heart, the heat scorching   
his face as he tried to dismiss the image of Relena's shapely body.   
Unfortunately, the image always marched back gleefully into the territory of his   
poor mind. He had no time to ponder on his actions, but he didn't suppose to   
think of her that way. She was one of his comrades at war, and that would be   
all. Apart of the little fact, Relena was an obvious distraction for the peace   
of his mind.   
  
"I know, I know..." he heard her saying, but from her giggles, he knew she took   
pleasure from his embarrassment. He never understood the creature completely.   
One moment she was sad and angry about Quatre's marriage proposal, but give her   
a minute, and she would laugh her head off at something he would often find   
silly.   
  
Heero sighed in relief subconsciously when Relena finally called out, informing   
him that he could turn around. The sweatshirt and the jeans were definitely too   
big for her, and she looked like a sweet little angel in her daddy's outfit.   
Heero smiled at the analogy. The oversized material had hidden her figure well,   
in spite of the fact that it was of his smallest size right after his sudden   
growing spurt as he passed sixteen. Smothering laughter behind his palm, he   
couldn't help commenting, "You look like a sack."   
  
Rolling her eyes heavenward in exasperation, Relena merely shrugged and smirked   
daintily as she walked towards him, hands tucked behind her back. "But it still   
serves its purpose," she responded mildly. Spotting the heater, she changed her   
course and extended her arms before the device, warming her freezing skin.   
Stretching languidly like a cat, Relena concentrated on the heat before her,   
although something else attracted her easily divided attention.   
  
Spying Heero from the corners of her eyes, she noticed him staring openly at   
her. His mouth was a thin grim line, although his eyes were sparkling with   
something she didn't quite fathom. Was that amusement? No, there was more. There   
was the kind of intensity rarely found in his gaze, which made her wonder why it   
was there in the first place, but fascinated her at the same time. The flickers   
were not as lively as others', but his eyes were certainly full of vigour,   
alive.   
  
At the moment, Relena realised something - a knowledge she should have   
understood years ago.  
  
Heero's emotions were always radiated from his cobalt blue eyes. His eyes were   
his expressions.  
  
And people couldn't understand him because they couldn't read the flickering   
emotions within those blue ultramarine pools.   
  
He was turning away from her, perhaps tired of seeing her rigid and serious   
posture. She wished she could do something to keep those blue eyes of his upon   
her. On the other hand, she was also aware of her often not-too-graceful and   
tactless approaches when dealing with Heero.   
  
She was good at dealing with the matters of politics, but clueless at figuring   
out the solution to her love life. Once she attempted to express her feelings,   
and it was a disaster. Who was an idiot enough to invite the person she loved to   
kill her? If Heero thought she was weird and didn't deserve his attention, it   
would be entirely her fault.   
  
And then there was the matter of Quatre. The problem refused to leave her mind,   
even if she hid it safely behind her mask. It wasn't what concerned her most,   
however. It was how she couldn't refuse Quatre, no matter how clear her feelings   
toward the man are.   
  
In Quatre's case, her real feelings didn't really matter, she supposed, since   
she had to think of what was the best for her people. If she married Quatre, his   
oil company would finance her peace and environmental campaigns, helping people   
to regain their future after the war. They were still in the stage of   
rebuilding, even after the war ended a few years ago. She was unable to abandon   
her people in favour of her personal interests. What's more, Quatre was a good   
man and her best friend. The only problem was that she wasn't drawn to him the   
way she was drawn to Heero.   
  
Heero - her love, the only man that managed to keep her interested after all the   
commotions he put her through. The only man who kept shattering her sanity and   
threatened to kill her on spot. She knew she sounded crazy, but she did love   
him.   
  
She had thought of this over and over, asking herself whether this was only   
teenage temporary fascination, but in the end she gave up after three years   
trying to wrestling with it. Even after she realised how she had to give him   
freedom in order to spread his wings and be truly happy, she was unable to   
forget those deep blue penetrating eyes that had already haunted her mind   
forever like a living ghost. No, an angel, as Duo put it, the exact opposite to   
his own epithet 'God of Death'. An angel of death, however.   
  
An angel and a beautiful man, he was indeed. Gloriously taller at six feet and   
three inches than he was four years ago, he was ever striking with his cobalt   
blue eyes and long regal nose. His young face had been similar to the teenage   
one, except that his features had grown firmer and bolder, more elongated as he   
lost the trace of his boyhood. And instead of the unruly dark brown mane he   
usually wore, he had parted and combed his hair to one side in a more   
sophisticated style that supposed to compliment his mature look, although she   
noticed he wasn't quite successful in taming his bangs.   
  
Relena had to admit painfully she longed for the old messy look making him look   
ever youthful. The grim line of his mouth would always be there, Relena mused   
silently as her gaze travelled downward in appreciation, although his sulking   
habit had gone over the years as he matured. His shoulders had blessfully   
broadened, and as the lines travelled to his waist, his torso had also slimmed,   
granting him a body of a swimmer. She wondered if he swam a lot. He must have   
been an excellent swimmer.   
  
"Careful, you're drooling, Relena," an amused and very male voice travelled into   
her ears, robbing her of her reverie in a snap. Her face burnt as she avoided   
Heero's shining eyes and focused her mind on disentangling her hair, drying it   
with the towel Heero had provided her earlier. And a little sense of humour, she   
added inwardly. Not in the most convenient situation anyway, although she   
appreciated the change from the totally brooding Heero.   
  
She heard a pat on the bunk, then a heavy voice travelled across the room, "Come   
here."   
  
Although she was still annoyed by his remark earlier, it was impossible to   
ignore the rough timbre that had managed to captivate her heart years ago. Heero   
challenged her eyes, his expression calm although she could see trace of   
amusement in his eyes. He knew he still had the same effect on her, that   
chauvinist jerk.   
  
Patting the spot beside him, Heero silently ordered her to sit down, expecting   
her to obey. Sniffing indignantly, Relena pursed her lips as she silently   
complained about the bossy manner he displayed. In the end though, she obliged,   
sinking her bottom on the bunk while kicking off her soaked shoes. Relena then   
turned around and waited for him to say something as she chewed her lower lips   
nervously.  
  
Heero forced her back to face him silently, slowly raking his fingers through   
the knots of her tresses and smoothing her hair before finally drying it with   
his own towel. He was firm yet gentle, and he did it as if he was afraid of   
hurting her, as if he was afraid he would tug on the fine strands and snap them.   
  
"Would you like chocolate bar?" he offered politely, still rubbing Relena's   
hair. His voice was calm, and there is a hint of friendliness in its the depth.   
  
It took the rumbles in her stomach to remind her she actually hadn't had her   
breakfast. And lunch. She would be a fool to refuse Heero's good intention.   
  
"Yes, please." came Relena's meek answer.   
  
Ceasing his activity for a second, Heero stretched out his hand to fish a   
chocolate bar out of the jar on the desk across the bunk, thrusting it gently   
into Relena's waiting hand. Smiling gratefully, Relena peeled off the wrapper   
and took an earnest bite, droopily closing her eyes in appreciation. The simple   
act didn't escape Heero's ever-vigilant eyes, and he permitted himself a small   
smile as he went back to drying her hair.   
  
"What about you?" Relena queried between mouthfuls, chewing slowly on the sticky   
sweet caramel. She moaned her pleasure softly as the tip of her pink tongue   
licked the sticky remaining off her upper lip. The thing was surely very good.   
She had to ask her secretary to buy her the particular brand and added it to the   
supply in her office. She didn't know Heero shared her passion for chocolate.   
"Not hungry?"  
  
She careened her neck in an attempt to look at Heero's face, and pouted when   
Heero's hands forcefully turned her head back to its initial position so he   
could finish his task properly. Could it be that he thought drying her hair   
properly was his mission? Relena mused, a smile playing on her lips.   
  
How funny.   
  
The Heero she knew wouldn't care to do things as silly as drying a woman's hair.   
And the more she thought about it, the more she was confused by her own   
speculations. For now, however, she was content with being spoiled. She had to   
admit she enjoyed this undivided attention.   
  
Once again she tried offering the half-eaten chocolate bar silently to Heero,   
but the latter turned it down and pushed her hand away.  
  
"Not hungry." He finally stated flatly, flinging the already damp towel aside as   
he sauntered and once again crouched before the wooden trunk. His eyes shone   
triumphantly as he pulled out a soft hairbrush, although his face was as   
impassive as ever. With the object in his hand, he hurried back and began   
carefully brushed the stubborn knots into smooth tresses, golden and shining   
under the lamp's dim light.   
  
Giving up for the moment, Relena held the chocolate bar between her teeth as she   
took over the brush from Heero's grip and set it aside casually, gathering the   
thick shimmering hair in her hairs and braided it carefully. She thought she saw   
a flash of disappointment in Heero's eyes, but dismissed it as merely her   
imagination.   
  
Frowning, she seized the end of her braid with two fingers, realising the fact   
that she didn't have a ribbon or a clip to secure her hair. She finally   
surrendered to the situation and shrugged off the braid carelessly. It fell free   
on her back, the length reaching her bottom.   
  
As she chewed on her chocolate bar vigorously, she lifted up her eyebrows, and   
muffled contentedly, "No hair band." And instead of fussing over her hair, she   
once again tried to persuade Heero to eat the chocolate. Persistent and   
persuasive have always been in her traits. If not, how could she become a   
diplomat or a minister?  
  
"Don't want some? You'll be sorry,"  
  
Instead of answering her directly, Heero contented himself by asking, "How's the   
chocolate?" Leaning on one of his elbows, his eyes never left Relena's full and   
cherry red lips. Relena nodded and smiled pleasantly, answering Heero's question   
with a question of her own without hesitation, "Can I have some more?" Heero   
merely lifted both eyebrows in response. This time he rose to his feet to fetch   
more chocolate bars, tossing them one by one at Relena.  
  
Relena caught them expertly with both hands, rewarding Heero with a sweet little   
smile before settling down with the chocolate bars. Being ever stubborn, she   
lifted an eyebrow and insisted,   
  
"Eat."   
  
Although he seemed to be annoyed by Relena's ever-persistent nature, Heero   
didn't turn down the offer this time. He took the chocolate bar from Relena's   
hand gingerly and had a bit. However, once he chewed on the caramel, pleasure   
clearly took over his mind as he savoured the bittersweet taste of the chocolate   
coat.  
  
They ate the chocolate bars in silence, saved for only occasional glances,   
content themselves with the presence of the other. Soon after, the growing   
silence grated on Relena's nerves as she squirmed in discomfort, struggling to   
find a safe topic to discuss. Finally, when she could stand it no more, she   
grabbed the damp towel that Heero used to dry her hair earlier and threw it to   
Heero's direction. It was a miss, of course.  
  
"Say something." Relena demanded thickly, her eyes radiating her annoyance.  
  
Lifting a dark eyebrow, the young man whirled his head to face her, his eyes   
bright with open amusement. Tossing the empty wrapper of the chocolate bar   
aside, he felt it was time for a few words of admonishment, "I'm a man of very,   
very few words."   
  
A gentle smile that surprised even himself tugged on his lips as Relena's   
accusing glare settled on him. Her lips thinned as she folded her arms in front   
of her chest and fumed, "Oh yeah, but I'm not in the mood of silence." Sighing,   
she grumbled, mostly directed to herself, "This is getting us nowhere." 


	5. Heero: Choices part 05

Belonging  
  
Heero: Choices  
  
Part five  
  
A Gundam Wing Fan fiction by Louise Tjandrasjahan   
  
  
"Nowhere?" his eyes glinting with surprise, Heero repeated after Relena,   
dumbfounded. 'But they were getting somewhere', he silently emphasised to   
himself. He usually was unable stay in the same room with Relena without arguing   
over jobs and swearing to kill her at the end of their regular discussions. They   
had, er…different views in regards of their methods of accomplishing their   
duties, even though it pointed to the same direction.   
  
They stared at each other for a moment, before finally broke into giggles   
and laughter. Relena lost her control first, and Heero followed suit. Gasping   
for air, she clutched Heero's arm for support as she was losing her balance and   
rolling off the bunk, "The dumbest conversation I've ever had!" She tried to   
suppress her giggles, but instead she burst into boisterous laughter, holding   
her aching stomach with one hand as she wiped away her tears with the other.   
  
And then something else caught her off guard. The soft rumbles of a male's   
voice – it apparently came from the back of his throat - Heero's throat, and he   
was struggling to control it. He wasn't successful, though; his effort only   
contributed more to his lost of control. His body was doubled over as he tried   
to muffle his laughter behind the damp towel that still happened to be in his   
hands.   
  
Relena knew she was gaping, but she couldn't help herself. The melodious   
tingles of Heero's laughter were too much a surprise for her to bear. It was the   
first time they laughed together without pressure, without the need to guard the   
distance between them – without resentment or conflicts. And it was also the   
first time she saw Heero in relax mood apart of his usual brooding expression.   
  
She had always believed that deep down Heero was a sensitive and wonderful   
person, but she didn't even dare to dream that her speculation was true until   
now, after she had seen the evidence with her own eyes! And the melody of his   
laughter – his real laughter, was beautiful. It filled her mind with a sense of   
peace and longing. Longing for the time to stop, leaving the picture forever.   
  
Eventually the laughter died, and the mask of seriousness took   
its place on his face once again. Relena almost sighed in   
disappointment, but refrained to say anything. Heat warmed her face   
however, when she found Heero's eyes looking straight into hers, as if   
expecting her to do something. Anything.   
  
Inhaling deeply, she prepared her mental for the inevitable and   
imparted gingerly, "You have beautiful laughter. It's very... musical."  
  
She was rewarded with a small, genuine smile. "Ah, I don't know   
about myself, but you do."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Beautiful. Your laughter."  
  
"Really?" Putting her mass on her knees, she braved herself to   
crawl closer to Heero, "Yours sounded like a chiming bell. The church's   
bells." Heero didn't answer, but what she had seen in his heavy-lidded   
eyes was enough.   
  
A soft giggle escaped her lips as Heero teasingly brushed her   
already dried hair aside, but she was not prepared for what Heero did   
next. Grabbing her waist, he pulled her down on top of him, his eyes   
searching as they stumbled together on top of the cosy bunk. She sucked   
a deep breath as she felt Heero's lips sealing hers, brushing them with   
feathery touch.   
  
She struggled to free herself from his pinning arm, but she found   
her strength was not a match to Heero's. Sighing in pleasure, she   
finally gave into her instinct and returned the kiss.  
  
When they finally parted, she was torn between seeking for more   
of the heavenly drug and questioning Heero's impulsive behaviour, but   
the latter won her logic. "Why did you do that?" she whispered softly   
in his ears, her tone dreamy.   
  
"Remains of chocolate," Heero told her impatiently as he dived   
into Relena's sweet flavour for more, "Gotta clean it,"   
  
Giggling at the lame reason, Relena decided to return his kisses,   
albeit tentatively. It was her first kiss, and unfortunately, unlike   
politics and diplomacy, she was embarrassingly as clueless as a   
fifteen-year-old on her first date. She had always dreamt of being in   
Heero's hand, and she had always kept her first kiss for Heero alone,   
or at least for a man she might love, in the future. And she had always   
imagined it to be perfect.   
  
However, nervousness seemed to take over her much prided   
subtlety, as she finally gave into her instinct, closing her eyes   
tightly as she smacked Heero's lips loudly in a short kiss. Berating   
herself for the error that she presumably made, she scrambled up, flush   
gracing her lovely face.  
  
Avoiding Heero's eyes, she felt like killing herself. It was one   
sloppy kiss! She totally forgot all things she had read and planned   
about kissing, and she refused to humiliate herself even more by   
continuing the kissing session. Who knows what Heero might be thinking   
at the moment? She doubted Heero was more experienced than she was, but   
one should never take outward appearance for granted. Always   
mysterious, he was.   
  
Chewing her lower lip anxiously, she curled her fingers beside   
her, clenching her sweatshirt in a handful as she turned her face away,   
worriedly waiting for Heero saying something. However, as the sound of   
husky breaths travelling to her ears, her curiosity piqued, although   
she managed to keep it at bay.   
  
It took only a whisper of her name to break her wall of defences.   
  
"Relena..."  
  
Her face crimson in renewed embarrassment, Relena faced the   
source of the low baritone, but her eyes widened as she attempted to   
hold her laughter upon witnessing the vision before her.   
  
Heero.   
  
He lay there very still, limbs sprawling around carelessly, eyes   
staring unfocusedly on the ceiling. His mouth half opened, he was   
breathing roughly in regular intervals - his nose flared with each   
breath he took. He looked so sinfully cute with the opening of his garb   
widely apart, revealing his well-toned body. He had never been cuter   
with his hair tousled and face blushing furiously, shamelessly   
admitting his excitement.  
  
"That was..." he continued breathlessly, gulping as he struggled   
for the right words, "the best...the first..." then, as if someone had   
thrown a bucket of cold water over his head, he snapped out of his   
stupor and snarled viciously at her, scrambling up into sitting   
position. Then he groaned piteously, so unlike his usual cool self,   
"Tell me, Relena. Why do you always have to haunt me even in my waking   
time? Sometimes I don't even understand myself anymore."  
  
Smiling, Relena braved herself and approached him carefully,   
placing her palm flatly on his cheek as she scooted closer. So this was   
his first time, too. She shouldn't have worried too much. A wicked   
smile curved her lips as she thought of what would happen when two   
inexperienced people got together and experimented. Perhaps even more   
excitement? Delight filled her mind as the unfamiliar giddiness   
engulfed her as her blue aquamarine eyes settled on his half open   
mouth.   
  
"You know what, Heero?" she told him gently as her thumb kneaded   
his cheek tenderly, "Sometimes people have to understand their   
nightmare first before they understand their dreams."  
  
His lips stretched into a smile, Heero settled his hand on top of   
Relena's. Thinking Heero might want her to pull it away, she drew it   
gently, but she gasped softly when he restrained her, clutching her   
hand so it wouldn't slip away. Instead he twisted her hand and kissed   
the upturned palm tenderly, his lips a lingering warmth. Smiling   
against her palm, he declared meaningfully, "Definitely a princess'   
hand. So soft, and no calluses."  
  
Blushing gloriously, Relena couldn't shake the feeling of   
helplessness as she sighed, "I couldn't help it. I rarely do manual   
labour, anyway." However, as her embarrassment peaked, she finally   
pulled her hand away, snapping at him in tension, "Heero, quit playing!   
It's not like you at all!"  
  
Heero squared his shoulders as he looked back into Relena's eyes;   
his face grew more serious within seconds. "I don't know," he answered   
her unspoken question honestly, his eyes searching. "Tell me."  
  
"How could I tell you? I can't read your mind in any way." Relena   
wailed her frustration, flailing her arms as she struggled for a more   
appropriate answer. "The kiss...I don't even know if we're doing the   
right thing. But it's not wise, I think. Quatre...you know that he   
proposed, and I haven't deci..."  
  
"Stop mentioning Quatre's name." Heero's calm remark succeeded in   
shutting Relena's mouth, "I know what's happening between the two of   
you, but there are only us right now. There's nobody else."  
  
A heavy sigh and an impatient, "I know."  
  
But as much as she wanted to be together with Heero, she had to   
choose her path with care. If Heero had acted this way before Quatre   
proposed to her, the story would be different. She would gladly succumb   
to his every whim, even following him to Hell and back. But like any   
other knight in shining armour, he came too late. Even the one little   
kiss she had just shared with him was a grave mistake.   
  
"Relena?"  
  
"Mm?"  
  
A gentle kiss sent currents of electricity down her spine, and   
before she knew it, she closed her eyes in pleasure once more, a soft   
moan escaping her lips as she savoured the simple little act. When she   
finally opened her eyes, she found herself staring into the depths of   
Heero's cobalt blue eyes, the colour becoming exceptionally bluer with   
the sparks she had never witnessed in him before.   
  
"Don't think."  
  
"I didn't think." She objected.  
  
"Yes, you are." Came the smug reply.  
  
From then on, her voice stopped to obey her. The magic of Heero's   
intense gaze had numbed her, and both of her hands going limped as   
Heero's hands sneaked up and found their ways to her lower jaw, cupping   
it gently as his thumbs tilted her face in an angle. Without releasing   
her eyes, he settled one knee on the mattress and climbed up the bunk   
carefully.   
  
She waited and waited, dare not to breathe as he lowered his face   
and brushed her lips with his own testily, experimentally at first. The   
kiss was simple and innocent, without the passion that was usually   
accompanied by lust. But it contained something precious, which only   
they could understand, and yet they couldn't explain by words. They   
didn't feel the need to break the moment with words. The quietness felt   
just right.  
  
Warmth pooled in the pit of their stomach as they roamed each   
other's lips without venturing beyond and after, keeping the action   
straightforward and undemanding. Measuring the other's pace as they   
heightened their exploration, they waited until the other was   
comfortable before proceeding with their moves. Heero nibbled on   
Relena's lower lips as she circled her arms around his neck, drawing   
him closer. Smiling against his lips, Relena savoured the remaining   
taste of chocolate, licking them earnestly.   
  
"Sweet, sweet Heero..." she whispered the words for his ears only,   
her smile growing when she caught his puzzled expression.  
  
"Like chocolate?" he finished the sentence for her, drawing soft   
giggles from her.   
  
Shushing him, Relena continued her exploration, this time even   
bolder. Running the tip of her pink tongue along the barrier of his   
teeth, she slipped her hand under his garment, feeling the warmth of   
his skin beneath. Sucking a great deal of cold air, Heero kept his eyes   
open as he stroke Relena's tongue with his own, thrusting and   
intertwining, caressing the velvety wall of her mouth. He groaned   
against her lips, as the blood in his veins pulsed wildly, tightening   
one fist on her golden tresses. His other hand circled her waist as he   
rose to his feet at the same time, bringing her mass up with him.   
  
Guided by instincts, she clung to him desperately while raising   
her legs and circling them securely around Heero's waist. Her breath   
low and ragged, she locked Heero's neck with her arms, refusing to let   
it go as her mouth hungrily sought for his. She never knew kissing   
someone felt this good. And she had thought first kiss would usually be   
disastrous, even when she planned it.   
  
Relena hated to break the kiss, but she knew somebody had to stop   
it before something they might regret in the future happened. Thus, she   
pulled away from the kiss albeit reluctantly. She almost smiled and   
gazed back wistfully as she noticed longing and disappointment in   
Heero's eyes, though she knew he tried to conceal it beneath his cold   
exterior. Heero kept their eye contacts as he balanced her mass in his   
arms, lifting her up to a slightly higher position than his.   
  
"Again. Relena." her heaving chest and flushing cheeks were   
adorably, and her red and swollen lips made him want for more. His   
husky command tempted her to submit into her desire, but she shook her   
head instead, which was...ironic. Now that she got her dream cradled in   
her arms, she could do nothing but let it go.   
  
"No," her answer was firm, but sad.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Quatre..." she explained, almost inaudible, "It would hurt him. I   
have to settle things down first with him."  
  
"You love him."  
  
He had pronounced the words easily, but the intensity in his eyes   
almost scared her. It almost made her think he was jealous. But with   
Heero, she never knew. Better be cautious than hurt even deeper.   
  
"I'm not lying when I said I don't love him." She sighed,   
gingerly playing with Heero's collar, "But..."  
  
"You think he loves you." Heero finished her sentence, his eyes   
slightly softened as he spotted the surprise in her eyes. "Yes," he   
nodded in confirmation, "He loves you."  
  
Shrugging, Relena pursed her lips as she replied thoughtfully,   
"Perhaps, but we never know."  
  
"He hasn't said it yet to you, but he will."  
  
Eyes widened in mild surprise, Relena was slightly baffled as she   
asked him back, blurting without much thinking, "Will you?" The moment   
she said it was the moment she regretted her decision, feeling very   
much an insensitive idiot.   
  
Heero's reaction, on the other hand, bewildered her. She had   
predicted him to avoid the matter, but she didn't expect him to   
hesitate. Not in her lifetime she dreamt of him considering the matter   
of his heart in such a long pause. The old Heero would just shrug it   
off, then walked away to maintain his mobile suit without much concern   
of his responsibility to deliver the right answer to the sensitive   
question. He had matured a lot in the past few years of their   
acquaintance.   
  
Lowering Relena carefully on the cold ground, he pushed a strand   
of hair away from her face as his lips quivered into an ironic smirk.   
Brushing his fingers in feathery trails on her soft skin, he held her   
eyes captive as he told her, "I'm not capable of loving someone."  
  
"Oh. Are you not?" her voice a whispery crack as new tears sprang   
onto her eyes, blurred her vision of the handsome face before her.   
Clutching the material of Heero's garb for support, she attempted to   
blink the tears away, willing herself to smile bravely and walk away   
untouched by the whole calamity of her love life, but she found herself   
too battered, too shattered to put her mask of cheerful formality back   
on her persona. The tears refused to obey, gliding freely on her cheeks   
one by one. The beads shimmered as the dim light of the chamber   
reflected upon them.   
  
But you kissed me...  
  
She had wanted to voice her complaints, but she seemed to be engulfed   
by an unidentified and overwhelming emotion as she saw nothing but   
emptiness beneath the mask that Heero wore. Sobbing, she looked away -   
hot tears stung her skin as they made contact with the stirring cold   
air around her. Slowly she wrenched her hands away from him, taking a   
step back as she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand, her   
body shaking ever so slightly. 


	6. Heero: Choices part 06

Belonging  
  
Heero: Choices  
  
Part six  
  
A Gundam Wing Fan fiction by Louise Tjandrasjahan   
  
  
She was playing with fire, and now the fire scorched her   
heart into ashes. And she had no right to cry, or to be angry, or   
to throw tantrums, because she asked for all of that. As a   
teenager, it was still understandable if she made a mistake or two   
by being oblivious to the fact Heero wouldn't even have the   
slightest interest in her, but as an adult, she had been an utter   
fool for believing his heart might change over the time with her   
love and dedication guiding him. In fact, the whole commotion had   
brought her into realisation of the bitter truth.   
  
Heero had kissed her just because of his curiosity. It was   
the sensation, not her, that made him yield. She had been a fool   
for believing Heero was finally realising the sole purpose of her   
existence. This whole incident had brought her into the more   
realistic perspective of her own love life.   
  
Now she believed that love existed only in fairy tales.   
  
Love was only for dreamy teenage girls.   
  
And love was, definitely, not for her, a fully-grown woman   
with a mountain of responsibilities and a nation to consider - a   
woman whose life was not hers alone, whose life was in the   
possession of the others.   
  
And then, it all suddenly made sense in one enormous   
explosion of emotional outbursts. God wasn't granting this man for   
her. For years and years she had prayed to God for bestowing the   
most beautiful love of all, a prince charming who would sweep her   
off her feet and made her the happiest princess in the world. But   
what did she get in the end of her daydreaming? Nothing but   
disappointment.  
  
Sensing the weight of Heero's hand on her shoulder, she   
flinched away coldly, refusing to meet his eyes as she struggled   
to control her inner turmoil. Her hands clenched on her sides as   
she finally answered her own question in self-hatred, hissing, "No,   
you don't. You never feel, after all." She was well aware her   
statement betrayed her earlier remark about Heero's humanity, but   
she was refused to be clouded by the longing of her younger days.  
  
"No, You DON'T!" yelling furiously at his face, she swung her   
palm and slapped Heero hard across his face, the impact echoing   
throughout the chamber. The resonance soon followed by another   
impact however, when Heero's own palm connected with her softer   
skin, leaving red imprinted mark on the creamy complexion.   
  
Whipping her head to face him, Relena was more surprised than   
angry. Heero had never laid a hand on her for as long as she could   
remember, despite the fact he had threatened to kill her   
numerously. One of her hands slowly crept upward to feel the   
stinging spot, burning with the force of his blow. He had taken no   
account that she was a woman when he slapped her. Ironically, the   
blow cleared her head, and she started to think logically once   
again.   
  
"Yes, I don't, but I do." A rough male voice startled her and   
brought her back into reality, its tone sad and painful. A sharp   
gasp escaped her lips as he wrenched her into his embrace, once   
again smothering her face with kisses, desperation noted clearly   
from the urgency of the kisses. "I," he managed to pronounce   
between kisses, "Don't. Understand. Everything."  
  
Closing her eyes, she draped her arms gently around his back,   
surrendering to the force of his male body. Dizziness assaulted   
her as a familiar male scent invading her senses, causing her   
whole world to spin. So much happened. Just then Heero had   
announced he was incapable to love, but he also told her that he   
loved her, at least in a way. She knew she had to answer him,   
providing him with the solution to his confusion, but she found   
she couldn't even settle the matter of her own heart. And yet she   
had to decide something quickly. She knew she had to give Heero   
more time to contemplate his feelings, but time was drawing near.   
Quatre would expect her answer soon.   
  
She had to clarify things first. As Heero had put it, she   
simply didn't understand…things.  
  
"You love me." It was a statement, not a question. She needed   
Heero to confirm this and erase her doubts.  
  
Sealing their lips in a final, gentle kiss, Heero answered at   
the end, "Yes."  
  
"And yet you hate me."  
  
A nod confirmed her worst expectation. "That's also true."   
  
"You love me…more than your missions?" she turned away from   
him, didn't want him to see her reactions when he was answering   
the question. If he was willing to answer.  
  
"I don't know, Relena." Came the grim and tentative answer,   
"You distract me. You annoy me. And you almost kill me inwardly,   
causing me to feel confused. But in some ways, you're my mission.   
You keep me going. All the time." His voice was almost   
expressionless, but it bordered on the edge of desperation   
nonetheless. Desperate to understand his unsolved inner turmoil.   
  
"I want to be with you, but you always reject me."  
  
Silence.   
  
Either because he didn't want to answer it, or because her   
didn't know what to say.  
  
"What if I marry Quatre instead of you? Have you ever thought   
of that?"  
  
Another silence.  
  
Holding her breath, Relena was preparing herself for another   
absence of answer, but she was astounded when she received one.   
"Quatre will make me happy, he is a good man."  
  
"He is,"  
  
Slowly she turned back to face him once again. Her face was   
grim as she raised her hand to touch his face, his skin cold   
against her palm. "Is he? So he is. But what about you?" her voice   
was barely a whisper as she threw him the pleading look, "Could   
you make me…would you, will you make me happy?" Holding her breath,   
she was waiting for his answer. It would be the last question she   
asked. She would ask no more.  
  
Heero's face darkened as he struggled for an answer, his fist   
clenched painfully beside his body. He realised the importance of   
his answer for Relena's question, and yet he couldn't lie to her   
even if the world depended on it. It would only hurt them even   
further. Or confuse him. Gosh, he hated confusions with all his   
might.   
  
"Quatre…is the man, if you ask me." Avoiding her aquamarine   
eyes, his answer was barely audible. Inside, he felt cowardly for   
his own disability to give a straight answer. He was afraid, very   
afraid. He still couldn't accept the weight of the mission he had   
to endure by accepting the challenge in the area he had not even   
comprehended yet. He refused to be a player…in a game of love.   
"Beside, you have a mission to the people."  
  
It was cruel, his answer, and it torn her heart into pieces,   
but she could do nothing about it if it was his choice. Instead   
she would put on her bravest mask, smile, and say her good-byes to   
him before retreating to the backstage to mourn her lost. Gently   
removing her hand from his cheek, she gave him her last gift – a   
tender and lingering parting kiss. She smiled against his lips as   
she noticed his eyes widened in surprise, but she refused to be   
carried away by his reaction. Heero loved her, but his love wasn't   
strong enough for him to leave his past behind to be together with   
her. He was not worthy of her love. He chose duties over love.  
  
"I guess this is the end," she announced quietly, her   
expression unbelievably calm and ethereal.   
  
Heero was opening his mouth to say something, but she didn't   
let him. "It is final, yeah." The young man raised his hand as if   
he wished to erase what he had said, but in the end he lowered and   
curled it into a fist, a long-time habit that Relena recognised as   
his inner struggle to control himself. She realised Heero gave her   
the chance to consider her actions. He had had his say, and that   
was it. Relena had given him more than one chance.  
  
"Every performance has to end," Relena added, smiling,   
clasping her hands behind her back as she sighed tiredly, "even in   
a game. Our game of tag is over, Heero. You'll be free of me.   
Soon."  
  
When Heero didn't respond to her, she merely shrugged and   
continued carefully, "The rain's stopped. Guess it's time to go."   
Then, with a final grand curtsy – as if she was ending her own   
grand performance – she existed the old hangar regally, her   
posture upheld by pride, solitary but by all means strong. Quietly   
opening and closing the door behind her, she left Heero deep in   
his thought, hopelessly trying to discern what had just happened.   
  
Relena really left him for good this time. She had not even   
bothered to bring her wet clothes with her. Either she forgot, or   
that she didn't care. Should he follow her and return the   
expensively tailored designer suit, or simply ignore it? He would   
return it, he guessed. That was the right thing to do. Running   
away from problems wasn't his style, and he would face Relena with   
all its consequences.  
  
However, as he opened the hangar's side door, he spied Quatre,   
joyously calling out her name, engulfing her in a big, comforting   
bear hug that was typical of him. He couldn't make out the other's   
expressions, but he could sense worry in his demeanour as he   
practically tossed the unused umbrella to the hard soil and fussed   
over Relena, his chatter vague in his ears.   
  
A flare of raw jealousy burnt his mind, as he noticed Relena   
fell into Quatre's embrace in sheer exhaustion, sobbing delicately   
against the other man's shoulder. Quatre, surely oblivious to the   
whole commotion, took the role of a gentleman and comforted her,   
guiding her gently to the direction of the building.   
  
And later, as he walked pass Relena's office to his own   
office, he halted in the middle of his step as he accidentally   
heard the conversation between the two. He never meant to   
eavesdrop, but something in his mind urged him so.   
  
"Quatre, I have decided…" Relena's gentle voice permeated the   
wooden door, causing his heart to skip a beat.  
  
"You have?" there was urgency and worry in Quatre's voice,   
but Heero knew he was trying to appear calm in front of Relena.  
  
"I will marry you,"  
  
"Relena!" There was joyous laughter from inside, and, "What a   
wonderful news!"  
  
There was some more laughter – a happy and an uncomfortable   
one – before a pause reigned.   
  
"I…I…make me happy, Quatre! Please, just make me happy…"  
  
Heero didn't care to hear the rest. The urge to assault   
Quatre became stronger, but of course he had no right. He had made   
his decision after all, and he couldn't redo the whole scene and   
replay it as he wished. It was all too late. No matter how hard he   
pledged his love to Relena, she wouldn't give him a chance. He had   
hurt her, after all.  
  
And he couldn't make her happy.  
  
But Quatre would.   
  
Unlike him who was incapable of love.   
  
But he couldn't help the feeling of despair and   
disappointment as he rushed into his own space, couldn't chase   
away the echoes of Quatre joyous laughter as he succeeded in   
making Relena his.   
  
And deep down, he did realise…  
  
Heero, you're one idiot man. 


	7. Heero: Choices part 07

Belonging  
  
Heero: Choices  
  
Part seven  
  
A Gundam Wing Fan fiction by Louise Tjandrasjahan   
  
  
But it was all only memory, so far away at the corner of his   
mind. Memory was always like smoke – it would linger in your mind   
for awhile, but before you knew it, it would dissolve into   
nothingness, leaving your heart empty.  
  
Except that certain things wouldn't just go away.  
  
Everything was over between him and Relena, and yet he   
couldn't dismiss the vision of her lovely face, gazing back at him   
with disappointment in her eyes, her shoulders slumped as she   
walked out of his life forever.   
  
The smoke would eventually dissolve in the air, but the smell   
stayed. And what an unpleasant smell it was.   
  
Heero smiled at the analogy. How true it sounded in his mind,   
for he could never dismiss Relena from his mind no matter how hard   
he tried. And here he was thinking back to the days where he would   
casually threaten to kill her while she actually ignored his   
threats and continued her pursue. What a pleasant game of tag they   
were playing. He would run, and she would actually keep up with   
him. Never had it crossed his mind he would lose her to his own   
best friend someday.   
  
Crushing the still burning cigarette in his hand, he ignored   
his pain when the little spark of fire scorched skin. Seething in   
a self-directed anger, he hopped down the windowsill, shaking his   
head rapidly to clear his head. An unpleasant something had just   
emerged in his mind.   
  
It was the wedding. It supposed to take place today.   
  
He had tried to ignore the raw mental pain, but it kept   
coming back with a vengeance, leaving him with a fierce headache   
everytime it showed its ugly face. A dull and empty ache was   
throbbing on his chest as he strolled across his kitchen right   
into his bathroom, his eyes overcast with pain as he stared   
vacantly at the vision before him.   
  
Pathetic.   
  
He just looked pathetic.  
  
There he was, the great Heero Yui, the past war's hero,   
staring helplessly at himself as he splashed some cold water on   
his tired face, dark circles under his eyes. He had lacked sleep   
in the past few months. Not that he had to stay up late to finish   
his job; it was because his mind refused to let him rest at peace.   
  
The cold water didn't help. Instead of freshening his body   
and mind, it reminded him of the moment when he held Relena in his   
arms after the rain incident. Nausea assaulted him, blow by blow   
of agonizing dizziness managed to cause him to topple off, nearly   
losing his balance. Gripping the edge of the bathtub to steady   
himself, he breathed low, trying to calm his suddenly pounding   
heart. Something was very wrong with his body. Rushing to the   
toilet, he then crouched before the bowl, throwing up. The smell   
stirred chains of unpleasant sensations on the bottom pit of his   
stomach, but there was nothing left. Still, the physical pain was   
nothing compared to the torture he was having in the past few   
months.   
  
Flushing his toilet, he quickly wiped away the sour residue   
off his lips, then headed back to the kitchen for a glass of water,   
only stopping to pick up the tranquilliser. Placing the little   
white tablet under his tongue, he drained the content of his glass   
in three big gulps, holding his breath as he sensed the tablet   
gliding down his throat.   
  
He went to the living room, feeling spent to his core.   
Reaching for the remote control, he sat down carefully this time –   
afraid to upset his stomach once again – sighing as he turned on   
the television. The TV became alive with pictures and sounds, but   
he couldn't make out any significant image.   
  
Everything was a blur in his mind.   
  
As he tried harder to forget Relena and focus his mind on the   
moving images before him, he couldn't help but smile when he   
recalled what his friends had said to him behind Quatre's back.   
Quatre had been apologetic toward him, but the others had been   
unsympathetic. Even Duo, the closest to him out of the four, had   
grown the habit of snarling the word 'idiot' at him.   
  
The TV screen flickered as it went on the next scene, and it   
was…his eyes widened as he recognised the program. The live   
coverage of the Winner-Peacecraft wedding! He forgot, but he now   
remembered someone had actually announced in the office that the   
event would be aired live.   
  
His hands were shaking as he attempted to change the program,   
but it was there in every channel he accessed. Never had it   
crossed his mind he could just turn off the television and go.   
Instead he tried the whole forty-five channels available in the   
network, gritting his teeth in fury when he found out that every   
channel aired the wedding. Snarling, he was about to turn away and   
leave the room when his ever-observant eyes caught some disturbing   
details on the screen.   
  
Slamming his hands on the sides of the television, his eyes   
darkened as he drank the scene before him. Something disastrous   
apparently had happened. Murmurs filled the scene; people were   
obviously outraged about something, or panicking. His comrades   
could be seen mingling in the crowd, including Quatre, trying to   
handle of a horde of journalists and paparazzi.   
  
His eyes skimmed the screen for an image of Relena, but he   
was unable find her anywhere. His heart pounded wildly against his   
ribcage as his wild imagination started to think of the worst   
scenario possible. If only he didn't decline the invitation…  
  
Relena could be kidnapped by now. Or killed.  
  
Raged, Heero bolted out of the living room and strode angrily   
to his room in search for the damn invitation card in which the   
detail of the venue was printed. Slipping the card into the tight   
pocket of his jeans, he went in search of a warm pullover, a   
trench coat and a revolver.   
  
Dashing out of his tiny apartment in record time, he didn't   
even care to bring an umbrella with him. The thought of Relena   
haunted his mind. He continued to pray for her safety – something   
he had never done before – he hoped others – one of her bodyguards   
– had already caught the intruder and delivered her to safety. He,   
on the other hand, wouldn't be so kind as to let the assassin live.   
He would hack him into shreds, torturing him until the man   
regretted ever being born into the world.   
  
Running downstairs, Heero groaned painfully as he   
accidentally twisted his ankle, but he ignored the throbbing   
injury. A minor injury was nothing compared to the dreadful vision   
of Relena bathed in blood. He wouldn't – no – he couldn't forgive   
himself if anything happened to her.   
  
Reaching for his Kawasaki that he parked in the vast basement   
of his apartment, he winced when a sharp pain shot through his   
left leg as he swung it to straddle the handsome motorcycle,   
causing him almost to lose his balance. After pausing for awhile   
to catch his breath, he inserted the key and started the engine   
with renewed determination. As the power made the vehicle alive,   
he tightened his grips around the handles and readied himself for   
the long ride ahead.   
  
Nothing, however, prepared him for the sight before him.  
  
"Heero."  
  
She was there, a lovely vision in her wedding gown, the skirt   
voluptuous and heavy around her feet. The rim was stained black,   
and she wore no veil at all. Shocking locks of short auburn hair   
graced the crown of her head instead of her official tiara. She   
looked very tired and beaten, and it took his whole power not to   
rush to her and crush her senseless.   
  
Her face was flushing from the cold, her breath frosty, and   
yet she stayed outside the basement. As the downpour drenched her   
gown, the mass of it clung to her body, becoming a second skin.   
She shivered as coldness seeped into her body, but she didn't dare   
to cross her line unless Heero permitted her. Her teeth clattering,   
she held her hands close to her heart, staring out at him with   
apprehensive saucer eyes. Inside her heart pounded wildly against   
her ribcage as she prepared herself for a snappy remark or two.   
  
"Relena…"  
  
Heero took a limping step ahead, and before each of them   
realised what was actually happening, he flung himself to her,   
causing them to splash back together into a large rain puddle.   
  
A startled gasp escaped Relena's tiny mouth as Heero weaved   
his fingers into her short locks. She whimpered involuntarily as   
their cheeks came into contact. A surge of warm, hot breath   
tickled her ears, sending a rush of shiver down her spine. Wincing,   
she let out a small cry as Heero's hands tightened around a   
generous amount of hair; forcefully tilting her head upwards as   
his eyes was searching in bewilderment.  
  
"Your hair!" he looked at her frantically, his whisper barely   
audible, "What happened?"  
  
"I cut it," Relena answered hoarsely. He looked angry and she   
wondered why. Squirming nervously under his glare, she moistened   
her dry lips and added more clearly, "I gave it to Quatre Winner."  
  
"Why Relena, why?!"  
  
"I…I didn't want to be married to him." She stumbled at her   
reply – anxiety started to take over the state of her mind. She   
was sure as hell she would scream if he kept treating her roughly   
like this. Frightened was not enough to describe her current   
feeling. "So I cut my hair, and…"  
  
She sighed in relief when Heero finally released her. He   
understood. Relena stiffened, however, when he wrapped her in bear   
hug, burying his face into the crook of her neck. She knew it must   
have sounded silly, but she was afraid he was going to strangle   
her. And love him or not, she still wanted to live to see another   
day.   
  
But of course, she was just being silly. Heero would never   
kill her. In the earlier days of Heero's and her acquaintance, a   
lot of people had doubted her belief, but she didn't care as long   
as they didn't say it in front of her. Even if Heero would finally   
kill her, she only wished to remember the good things about him.   
  
Closing her eyes in resignation, she returned his embrace,   
letting her entire frame to be engulfed in Heero's strong arms.   
She thought she heard him choking and sobbing, but she refused to   
believe that the great Heero Yui would cry. Crying was one of any   
other ordinary things Relena couldn't believe Heero was unable to   
project.  
  
Then again, she was proved wrong. Heero did cry. For her. Or   
at least, he cried for himself. She didn't know what made him shed   
his precious tears, but she had no wish to know. Being in his arms   
was enough a satisfaction for her.   
  
"There, there, Heero…" cradling his head on her chest, she   
ignored the painful needles of rain and whispered soothing words   
in his ears. Her expression was softened as Heero intertwined   
their fingers tentatively, his usual confidence reduced completely   
in the face of his loneliness – longing for love and companion.   
  
"Don't cry…my short hair is not that bad, right?" she   
remarked half-jokingly, hoping to restore at least a bit of the   
spirit he usually displayed. Heero never laughed, but it hurt her   
even more seeing him like this. She hated it when the man she   
loved was hurting.   
  
"But I love your hair." his muffled answer brought surprise   
to her face. The stubborn remark brought a small smile to her lips.   
The smile widened into a big grin as she pictured Heero as a   
little boy, sitting on her lap, wearing his usual stubborn   
expression. Or not him, actually. She would rather the boy to be   
his and her son.   
  
"The hair could grow back, Heero." She solemnly replied,   
although she could sense her voice started to waver in laughter.  
  
A joyous laughter started from the back of his throat and   
mingled with sobs as he tightened his embrace around Relena's   
lithe frame, carelessly pinning her beneath his weight. Smiling at   
his recent antique, Relena ignored the water seeping into her gown   
and returned his embrace. Her smile eventually transformed into   
chuckles, and later laughter that accompanied his beautiful one.   
  
"Forget about the hair, Relena. You're right, it could grow   
back. But you…" Heero sighed as he gathered her face in his hands,   
his expression softened as he noticed Relena blushing. "No one can   
ever replace you. You're…the only one." And then, a smile pasted   
on his lips, he told her, "But I do insist you grow back your   
hair."  
  
"Heero!"   
  
Carefree laughter rang true in the air as he rolled off her.   
His bearing was wobbly as he pulled her up with him, leaning onto   
each other as they rose to their feet. Heero couldn't keep the   
smile off his face as he drew Relena into his embrace once again.   
  
His mind was at peace at last.   
  
He had forgotten how wonderful it was to have a woman he   
truly loved in his arms, and he had forgotten just how much he had   
loved her until a few moments ago, when Relena had burst in   
magnificently in her wedding attire, her expression stricken with   
worry but still as beautiful. Until then he didn't understand the   
joy of genuine laughter, but he was finally released from the   
confinement of his own muddled logic. Perhaps forever.  
  
If this was what it was like to be sentimental, he didn't   
want to stop. Let the time cease to work, and let the world turn   
around, but he would never let go his precious treasure. To   
explore back his humanity and his love was his mission.   
  
Serious eyes contracted warm and loving ones, he murmured   
against her lips, "I would never let you go again. Never ever."  
  
Her eyes, her beautiful, aquamarine eyes were sparkling with   
shimmering tears as he captured them with his own cobalt blue orbs,   
probing beneath for her unspoken answer. Was she coming back for   
him? He knew he didn't deserve her forgiveness, but he was willing   
to climb the highest mountain for her happiness if she granted him   
a second chance. And he told her just what he thought as he   
cradled her face gently in his hands, tenderly wiping her tears   
away with his thumbs.  
  
"I couldn't believe you come back to me, Relena." His voice   
cracked, dread started to fill his mind with doubts. Would she   
have him back? Would she love him again?  
  
Smiling faintly as her hands joined Heero's on her own cheeks,   
she assured him softly, "I couldn't marry him when there are you.   
Quatre is kind, but he isn't you. Noone can take over your   
position in my heart, Heero."  
  
Inhaling the sweet scent of hers, he lowered his face and   
kissed her softly on her forehead, "Is that true? Is it real that   
you're going to forgive me, even when I told you that I didn't   
love you?"  
  
"It doesn't matter." Relena buried her face into his shoulder,   
her voice muffled, "I still want you." And then, as she remembered   
one unfinished business, she raised her eyes in determination,   
commanding Heero to look back into the pools of blue eyes.   
  
"I ask you once again, Heero. And this would be the last.   
I'll become a nun if you don't answer this properly, although   
whether you want to answer it or not is entirely up to you." Both   
of them knew the answer already, but she needed every bit of   
assurance to ease the doubts in her mind. She cleared her throat   
comically – an action that caused Heero to chuckle in amusement –   
and fixed her eyes on his as she began, "Will you…make me happy   
this time?"  
  
A dark eyebrow was raised. "If I don't want to?"  
  
"Then I simply quit my job and become a nun."   
  
Heero gave out a tired sigh and smiled as he let Relena go.   
Planting both his hands into his hips, he measured Relena from   
head to toe. Smiling had become much easier for him since Relena   
came back into his life a few moments ago. In fact, he was on the   
danger of splitting his face into a constant stupid grin. The grin   
would damage his cool persona, but…well, what was a reputation   
without the woman he loved beside him?   
  
"What a waste." He interjected, shaking his head in mock   
disappointment, "I actually want to ask you whether you want to be   
my wife or not, but since you are so insistent in a single minded   
answer…"  
  
A high pitch cry interrupted his words, and before he   
realised it, Relena was smothering his lips with little butterfly   
kisses. His stomach fluttered in a warm and pleasant sensation as   
he returned the kiss, slowly taking his time to build the passion   
between them. And there they were, caring about nothing but the   
other's presence; the heavy rain drenched their clothes as they   
savoured each other, their eyes closed slowly as they gingerly   
joined their hands.  
  
Inside, in the lonely space of Heero's apartment, scene by   
scene played dutifully as the television set blinked rapidly. The   
camera zoomed onto Quatre's face, and a voice could be heard from   
outside the camera's angle, its tone full of curiosity and urgency,   
"Mr. Winner! What happened to Prime Minister Peacecraft? Is she   
forced to leave the wedding because of some unexpected diplomacy   
matters? When will she be coming back?"  
  
His three companions - Duo, Trowa and Wu Fei - were ready to   
deny the questions and lead him out of the Cathedral, but he   
lifted one hand, actually indicating his willingness to answer the   
question. Calmly he smiled for his audience as usual, but it was   
only an act that didn't reach his eyes.  
  
"Gentlemen, it's over. I decided to break any ties with   
Relena Peacecraft. I realised it is most embarrassing, but that's   
the truth."  
  
And as the troops of journalists and paparazzi followed him   
and his group, an image of a woman, her hair flaming red and her   
features beautiful, gazing at his back fondly, a trembling smile   
tugged on her lovely lips.   
  
Catherine Bloom.  
  
In the middle of the bustling excitement around her, she   
continued to watch his back until he disappeared inside the   
waiting black limousine, tears of sadness shining in her eyes.   
Inwardly she was praying. First for Relena who had decided to   
pursue her own happiness; the second prayer was for Heero, so he   
wouldn't hurt both of him and Relena by rejecting her once again;   
the third was for her brother, so he could find someone to love,   
and the fourth…  
  
'Quatre, no matter what happens, I'll always pray for your   
happiness…'  
  
The End? I don't think so! 


	8. Relena: Regrets part 01

Belongings   
  
Relena : Regrets  
  
A Gundam Wing Fan fiction by Louise Tjandrasjahan  
  
Part 01  
  
  
Wedding in a rainy day. It supposed to be the day when happiness and   
prosperity shining through, but the sky was pouring, and the atmosphere was cold   
and sad. She had wished for a more cheerful day, but she realised the rain was   
inevitable. She had long ago learnt to accept the ways of nature and walk   
according to the flow of time.  
  
But the rain was a stark contrast with the exuberance of a wedding. It   
brought grimness and sombre moods, as if today was not a wedding but a funeral.   
  
And she, Relena Darlian–Peacecraft, was getting married today.   
  
She grimaced at her own bleak vision. Shaking her head slightly to clear   
her mind, she frowned as she listened to the pitter-patters of the downpour   
slapping the window's glass. Tentatively she gathered her voluptuous wedding   
gown and stepped hesitantly toward the window, her pale blue eyes focused on   
nowhere in particular. One sheer-gloved hand touched the glass; the glow in her   
eyes intensified as she trailed a gliding raindrop. She sensed childlike   
excitement, and she couldn't resist smiling as her eyes followed the wet trails.   
  
Rain had always been her friend, accompanying her in the good and bad   
times. She loved watching rain. In the good times, the melancholic atmosphere of   
the rain would keep her feet firmly on the ground, preventing her to reach the   
cloud nine of her fantasy. As for the bad times, the rain always gave her the   
opportunity to ponder over her life in introspection.   
  
Still, at least today, rain on her wedding day was a sign of bad luck, no   
matter how much she loves it when it rains.   
  
Such a bad omen. The wedding itself had felt all wrong to her since the   
very day she committed herself into it, but a chill ran through her spine as she   
watched the unfortunate downpour. It was as if the heaven itself cried for her   
decision; its pouring tears dampened the spirit of festive.   
  
Again, Relena shook her head against the thought, wishing in her life she   
had never entertained such idea. But the question was unavoidable, she realised.   
She was only having cold feet, was she not? No, it wasn't just. Every single day   
she had doubted if it was the right decision to marry him, one of the most   
eligible bachelors in the world and in the colonies.  
  
He was Quatre Raberba Winner, the young rich tycoon of the Winner Oil   
Company, who was also the man who had supported the redevelopment of the L4   
Colony after the war. He was a kind and gentle one, and somehow she doubted the   
wedding would benefit him in the long run. The path she had chosen seemed unfair   
especially for him. Everybody told her she was a lucky girl, because he married   
her for love. Other females would gladly throw themselves at his feet to be his   
woman, but instead he sought for her affection. There were other beautiful women   
more befitting to his classically handsome features, but he chose her.  
  
She should have been grateful, but agitation reigned in her heart. She   
wanted to run away from her responsibilities, from the situation that chained   
her down in a miserable hell of self-pitying – to run away from herself. As   
selfish as she might sound, she was never sure if she was able to survive the   
spasms of self-doubt that would drum through her mind for the rest of her life.  
  
Love was the keyword of her dilemma. Was that love she felt when she   
gazed   
into his clear sky blue orbs? The question had caused her to shudder in self-  
loath and disgust. Of course, there were more than one occasion when he sensed   
her frustration, but he would pretend everything was fine and hid his concerns   
beneath his angelic smile.  
  
Another question hit her. If it turned to be a loveless match at the end,   
what would happen to their union? Divorce was an unthinkable move for her. As a   
devoted Catholic, she believed in being married…for eternity. She would do it   
once, and only once.  
  
She always told herself Quatre loved her too much to lose her, or may be   
that her feelings would be altered in time, so separation might be avoidable. In   
any case, their marriage would be a peaceful one, and she could expect some   
warmth from her future spouse.   
  
And she knew perfectly well Quatre was the only man who could secure her   
career and position as a prime minister and the already forged trade union   
between the Earth and L4 Colony. Their bond dictated the future of their two   
worlds.  
  
Selfish was the only word came up in her mind whenever she was   
contemplating the idea of ending their betrothal. But again, she couldn't. The   
event was so grand and world-known, and a single mistake would destroy all the   
efforts she went through to start free trade policy between the Earth and the   
colonies.   
  
And then there were also those gentle sky blue eyes of his, looking   
vulnerable as he watched her with the look that said, 'Go on, tell me the truth   
and I'll be out of your life.' She could never leave him out there, alone and   
without love. At the end, it was the same decision over and over again, love or   
no love. She had never had the heart to betray him, never wished to spur their   
good relationship. She valued the friendship between them.  
  
Passionate love might not be the best phrase to describe her feeling   
toward him, but it was love she felt when she set her eyes on him for the first   
time at her school of Pacifism. His gentle baby blue eyes smiled at her as he   
stood in front of her, his stance proud and tall as he pleaded sanctuary from   
the raging war. He had been a Gundam Pilot then. Still, he never let himself   
stained by the art of killing, his innocence shining through as he accepted to   
live with his sins. A little mischief always added a little spark in those blue   
orbs, almost carefree and childlike. But most of all, it was the angelic smile   
that had her taken aback. It melted the frost in her heart, and for a moment, it   
managed to dissolve any winter in her mind.  
  
However, the love was always a different kind of love for her. Her true   
love had always been another man – Heero Yui, Quatre's comrade-at-arms. His   
cobalt blue eyes, deeper than Quatre's by nature, were always blazing with   
something – something Relena knew she had always been craving within herself. It   
was passion. His lean, chiselled face displayed nothing but emptiness, but it   
was in his eyes Relena discovered her own long dissipated ardour of love. The   
force burnt her; it made her feel naked to her core, exposing her.   
  
She almost wished she had met Quatre first before she met Heero, but she   
realised even if she did meet Quatre first, she would still fall for Heero, even   
though she realised that Heero would reject her whereas Quatre would welcome her.   
Still she searched for Heero, sustaining herself from the energy he exuded   
whenever she looked deeply into his eyes, craving it like a vampire craving   
blood.   
  
She was crazy. People told her so. They hated her misguided behaviour;   
they never could stand her obsession and torturing herself. But he was her   
euphoria, her reason to live and struggle. Call her insane, but promoting   
pacifism was the only way to see him among other reasons she had developed on   
her way to maturity. She challenged him to kill her only so she was able to see   
those blue eyes again, to drink his passion, and to share her passion to him as   
well.   
  
But look at her now. No excitement, no life. No purpose…no, no, she was   
struggling for that one. She wasn't made of flesh and bone alone; she was made   
of steel. After all, she was of the house of Peacecraft, one of the greatest   
ruler families on the Earth. Instead of crying out her miseries, she forced   
herself to look around her and told herself everything was not over yet, even   
when Heero was out of reach. She had always loved him, and he loved her as well.   
The fact was crystal clear in her head, even when she didn't understand it   
completely.   
  
Heero didn't want to love, however. He chose to abandon the love and   
leave   
it to her to resolve. He wasn't game anymore. He was afraid to face the given   
choices.  
  
And she wasn't any younger. She had her people to think about, a future   
to   
rule. She needed security, people she could call as a family of her own, whom   
she hoped, in return would offer her love, warmth and support, a place to call   
home.  
  
When Quatre had approached her with that angelic smile of him, she was   
forced to contemplate her options. Marry, or not marry? Alone for the rest of   
her life, or together with a man whom at least could be her best friend – a man   
whom was stable enough to build a happy family with her.  
  
She finally decided to try her luck and gave Heero the choices to love or   
to leave her. Heero cowered – oh how she regretted it – and ran away. At the end,   
in spite of her love for him, Heero just appeared to be a cruel man who toyed   
with her feelings.   
  
But Quatre…Quatre with his ever-ready smiles, he loved her. He really   
loved her, despite the fact that she had always regarded him with sibling   
affection. He always loved her, even to the point of worshipping. Looking at her   
as a goddess, pampering and treating her delicately like a princess. He would do   
all he could to win Relena's heart, and to make her happy.  
  
Relena, amidst heartaches and the desire to be loved back, fell to this   
pretty illusion of a promising life with this prince charming and agreed to   
marry him. She thought she would be finally happy, but she could never shake off   
the feeling of entrapment. She started to regret some things and longed for her   
lively days with Heero around despite their dilemmatic relationship. She was   
suffocated by her own swirl of her supposed happiness; guilt ate her conscience.  
  
She could only promise one thing: she would be the good, perfect wife for   
Quatre. She would at least play the role of the loving and attentive wife; she   
would be loyal. She would be a friend for her husband, his most trusted ally.   
She would make everything work just for him, so that he could have the happiness   
she had never attained. Unlike her, he was the one who deserved to be happy the   
most.   
  
Relena winced when the thunder struck outside, the flash blinding her   
eyes   
momentarily. The young woman smiled as she was once again faced with another   
reality. Slowly she made her way to a tall mirror, her sharp blue eyes   
scrutinising the image on the frail surface. A tiny smile played on her lips,   
her eyes glowing with unshed tears.  
  
She was beautiful.  
  
Catherine had done her make-up, and she had worked very hard to make her   
the most stunning bride in the world. There was something deep and emotional   
from the way Catherine worked. Relena believed she witnessed redness in the   
other women's eyes when their gazes clashed. Other people might not realise it,   
but she knew.  
  
She was also a woman after all, and the conflict started to haunt her as   
well, knocking on the door to her conscience. She was going to marry Quatre in   
an hour, yet she was unable to forget Catherine's saucer violet eyes, brimming   
with sadness. She couldn't believe herself asking the other woman to be her maid   
of honour!   
  
Catherine loved her soon-to-be husband. She wished she could do something,   
but she was powerless. Never could she risk Quatre's reputation by leaving him   
all of sudden alone in front of the altar. He had been too sweet to comply when   
she had told him she was only to be married in the Church, fulfil even her   
simplest request. Quatre had sacrificed his important belief to be together with   
her. How could she be so cruel as to forsake him just hours before their wedding?  
  
Blowing a strand of her fringe in frustration, Relena plopped down on the   
chair in front of the mirror carelessly, sending the organza of her gown askew.   
She sat silently for awhile, contemplating her options – where there was nothing   
left. Slowly she raised her left hand. Her eyes softened as her gaze stayed on   
the form of her engagement ring. In her mind, she pictured the wedding rings she   
had chosen and bought for today.  
  
'Wedding rings should be wear by two people who really trust each other…'   
she said to him. 'They are the symbols of the marriage union'.  
  
'Why couldn't we?' he had asked her back.  
  
'We can't. We never owned each other from the beginning.'  
  
Tears stung Relena's eyes. She knew she was right. They never owned each   
other since the very beginning of their relationship. She offered herself to   
Heero, but he refused her. Quatre loved her, and in return, she gave herself to   
Quatre, so that she could love the other man back. But what happened?   
  
She was Quatre's possession. He owned her, marked her, and chained her   
with his engagement ring.   
  
Relena's tears streamed down freely when she realised something. She did   
want to love Quatre, but…  
  
But her heart belonged to Heero. 


	9. Relena: Regrets part 02

Belongings   
  
Relena : Regrets  
  
A Gundam Wing Fan fiction by Louise Tjandrasjahan  
  
Part 02  
  
6 months prior to the wedding  
  
Relena ran her fingers on the display counter, scanning the items   
  
spreading before her eyes meticulously. Rings and rings and rings. Among   
  
many of them are wedding rings. And she had to make up her mind by the time   
  
they finished their shopping trip.  
  
She twisted her body instinctively to the right when someone poked   
  
into her waist – her ticklish spot – but she managed to maintain her   
  
serious expression. She squirmed slightly out of the way when a lean hand   
  
attempted to encircle her waist from behind. Only her frown deepened when a   
  
familiar light chuckle travelled into her ears in amusement, but overall   
  
her general expression didn't waver.  
  
"Darling, they're only wedding rings. Perhaps you take my words too   
  
seriously when I said ring hunting this morning." came the affectionate   
  
voice of her fiancée, Quatre Raberba Winner. Once again, he tried to run   
  
his fingers down her honey coloured strands, but this time she was faster.   
  
She caught the hand and placed it on his side. With that came her   
  
reprimanding glare.  
  
"I'm concentrating, Quatre." She sighed and diverted her gaze back on   
  
the rows of rings, squinting her eyes as she said, "Natural or white?"  
  
Quatre's perplexed expression was priceless. "What?"  
  
"Gold."  
  
A sigh escaped Quatre's lips as he planted his hands into his hips.   
  
Relena was being stubborn again as usual, and he was not in the mood.   
  
Actually at the moment he was more interested in other pursuit   
  
namely…teasing her rosebud mouth. Still, who was he to argue with Relena   
  
the politician?   
  
"Like I said," he offered, licking his dry lips as he searched   
  
Relena's face, "White gold, with little specks of natural gold." His and   
  
Relena's taste differed, and that was one of those moments when Quatre felt   
  
reluctant to argue with her. She was a natural born negotiator. She would   
  
fight back until he at least acknowledged her points.   
  
Raising her eyes to meet Quatre's, Relena lifted her eyebrows in   
  
disagreement. She answered her fiancée boldly, a stern and gentle tone in   
  
her voice, "White gold is white gold; natural gold is natural gold. We   
  
shouldn't use both. It doesn't say unity."  
  
Quatre lifted his eyebrows in imitation of Relena's gesture, his eyes   
  
twinkling with amusement, "Either way is fine by me. Besides, it's only a   
  
church wedding."  
  
Something in Relena's eyes made Quatre realised that he had said the   
  
wrong word. Uneasiness spread as her defence was fully awakened. "So," she   
  
asked him precisely, careful not to reveal her anxiety, her voice suddenly   
  
low, "do you regret your decision already? Do you think that being married   
  
in a church will not bring the same solemnity as when done in a mosque?"  
  
His eyes widened in surprise, Quatre clamped his jaws stiffly. This   
  
happened a lot between them lately. They weren't exactly arguing, but there   
  
had always been something hot in the way Relena answered. The wedding   
  
preparation must have taken its toll on Relena's body and mind.  
  
Guilt swelled in Relena's mind the moment she spotted the alarm on   
  
Quatre's gentle features. There, she had done it again, hurting Quatre's   
  
feelings. She knew she had to apologise, but for some unknown reasons she   
  
was unable to do so.   
  
Settling into one of her more tender expressions, Relena tiptoed and   
  
pecked Quatre's lips lightly. "Honey, I'm just tired, okay? Don't take my   
  
insult oh-so-seriously."  
  
Smiling lovingly, Quatre sealed their lips in a slow, gentle kiss.   
  
Tucking a strand of honey coloured hair behind Relena's ear, he replied,   
  
"'Kay, luvvy."  
  
Relena rewarded Quatre with a sweet little smile as she went back to   
  
her ring inspection. This time she didn't protest when Quatre circled his   
  
arm around her tiny waist and positioned his body snugly against her back,   
  
his chin on the crown of her head. She could feel his smile against her   
  
nape and lifted one of her eyebrows knowingly as she finally noticed their   
  
flushing and envious attendant. Shaking her head in amusement, she lowered   
  
her eyes and immersed herself back in the details of the intricately carved   
  
ring in her hand.   
  
It was beautiful, a masterpiece. There was no other embellishment on   
  
its surface except for two graceful doves carved on its surface, their   
  
wings intertwining with each other. It was so tiny and delicate that it   
  
took her breath away. Still, she didn't know, if Quatre would approve or   
  
not. Besides, the two doves remind her of…no, she didn't dare to think   
  
about him. Smiling ironically, she put the ring back and started to pick   
  
another design.  
  
But Quatre noticed the ring and took it from her hand, admiring its   
  
pretty details. Glancing at Relena briefly, he cleared his throat and   
  
commanded gently, "Give me your hand."  
  
"What?"   
  
Smiling sweetly, Quatre extended his own hand, his gentle voice once   
  
again filling the air around them, "Your hand, my lady."  
  
Blushing at such attention, Relena slowly placed her smaller hand in   
  
Quatre's firmer one though she kept alert. She worried Quatre would come up   
  
with one of his occasional little pranks, which sometimes wasn't funny. As   
  
she saw only sincerity in Quatre's eyes, she soon relaxed herself. It   
  
increased the pain in her heart, however, to witness such devotion in him.   
  
Quickly she hid her pain behind a smile and pretended for all its worth   
  
that what Quatre would say next was the most important thing in the world.  
  
Relena held her breath as Quatre slid the ring easily, her eyes   
  
sparkling with admiration.   
  
"Beautiful," Quatre praised, a dreamy look came across his features.  
  
It was indeed beautiful, exquisite even. For a moment Relena was   
  
drown in genuine admiration, but she quickly snapped out of her daydream   
  
the moment a certain name popped into her mind. Frowning, she bit her lower   
  
lip as she scrutinised the ring silently – her mind wandered to the places   
  
she had sworn never to visit anymore after her last fateful encountered   
  
with Heero.   
  
Heero. Why did she think of him at a time like this?   
  
It was only a simple ring, for God's sake, but its design reminded   
  
her of him. She didn't want to be reminded of him. Her time with him was   
  
over, and it was right of her to find happiness in Quatre. She didn't   
  
suppose to think about him anymore.  
  
  
  
"Relena?" Quatre tilted Relena's face with his forefinger, his eyes   
  
askance. He had noticed Relena's sudden quietude the moment he put the ring   
  
on her finger, and began to regret his decision.   
  
The young woman merely pulled back her hand and quickly disposed the   
  
ring on top of the glass cupboard as if stung. "No." she almost whispered,   
  
"Not this one."  
  
"It's beautiful, and just now your expression said so." Quatre tried,   
  
still not giving up, "Just what's wrong?"  
  
"It does not look like a wedding ring." She blurted out, finishing   
  
rather lamely.  
  
That was the moment when Rashid - Quatre's assistant and second in   
  
command – decided to call and interrupt their exchange. Groaning, Quatre   
  
turned away from Relena, giving her an apologetic look while holding up his   
  
vid-mobile phone and pointing at it, mouthing, "Gotta go."  
  
Relena gave a trembling smile and dismissed him with a nod. She only   
  
realised she was holding her breath as she listened to Quatre's footfalls   
  
fading behind her back. Closing one hand over her tired eyes, she sighed   
  
profoundly, immense relief washed her over. She had forgotten when tension   
  
had begun to accompany every single conversation between Quatre and her. It   
  
was never like that before. She used to be happier; more relaxed and   
  
vibrant with him. She used to think Quatre was a good company, even in   
  
silence.  
  
"Relena."  
  
She gave into a final sigh before finally turning around with a   
  
little smile. Her fiancée was opening his mouth to say something, and   
  
looked as if he was on the verge of apologising. Such nature had always   
  
become him whenever problems arose. Quatre was so quick to apologise, even   
  
though it had not been his fault. Quickly she put her fingers on his lips,   
  
silencing him.  
  
"Important business?" she supplied, a thin smile appeared on her   
  
lips, "I understand. But I have the rest of my day free, so I might as well   
  
stay."  
  
Quatre looked doubtful; worry cast a shadow on his handsome features.   
  
"Alone? Your brother will kill me!"  
  
"Milliardo?" Once again the lazy Cheshire smile stretched across her   
  
lips, "Not if Lucrezia intervened." With that last comment, Relena broke   
  
into a wide grin and tapped his nose playfully.  
  
He was still unconvinced nonetheless.  
  
Batting her eyelashes innocently, she clasped her hands behind her   
  
back and said, "Trust me." Glancing about, she noticed the attendant's   
  
amusement, and became even bolder, "You can even count on me to choose the   
  
rings."  
  
Relena grinned triumphantly as she saw Quatre's stance relaxed, but   
  
steeled herself when she spotted a hint of mischief in his aquamarine eyes.   
  
His tone was husky as he ran his fingers along the outline of Relena's face,   
  
"White gold with specks of natural gold. That's the final deal."  
  
"White gold, and that's the end of the bargain." She replied a bit   
  
too cheerfully, "I know you prefer white gold. Just say it!"  
  
A sigh, and then, "You win. Pick whatever you want by the end of the   
  
day. That counts natural gold as well."  
  
Flashing her fiancée a winning smile, Relena kissed Quatre's cheek   
  
gently and began shooing him. The young man only shook his head ruefully   
  
and stole a kiss from her before finally dashing for the way out. Never had   
  
he known that she breathed in relief behind his back. She massaged the   
  
bridge of her nose tiredly and only raised her eyes when her attendant   
  
asked her hesitantly to make up her mind.  
  
She still had to choose between white or natural gold.  
  
Tough choices. 


	10. Relena: Regrets part 03

Belongings   
  
Relena : Regrets  
  
A Gundam Wing Fan fiction by Louise Tjandrasjahan  
  
Part 03  
  
Relena narrowed her eyes as the fierce rays of the afternoon sun burning   
  
her eyes, and donned her black baseball cap as she rummaged her white   
  
plastic bag for a pair of sunglasses. Her lips twitched in satisfaction   
  
when her hand finally found what she was looking for. However, her smile   
  
turned into frown, when she finally took a good look at the sunglasses.  
  
It was Quatre's sunglasses. Turning the object in her hand, she   
  
mused inwardly, wondering how it ended up in her bag. She eyed the   
  
glinting wire rim and the blue lenses disinterestedly. Hers and Quatre's   
  
style sure differed. Personally she preferred her plastic red framed and   
  
yellow tinted sunglasses, but anything would do for her as long as they   
  
served their purpose. In this case, she needed the sunglasses to protect   
  
her identity and shield her eyes from the scorching sun.  
  
Shrugging carelessly, Relena she donned the sunglasses. She lifted   
  
an eyebrow as she caught her reflection on a display window by her side,   
  
biting her lower lip as she brushed her bangs aside and scrutinised her   
  
own reflection. The wire-framed sunglasses actually suited her look   
  
albeit a little bit old fashioned.   
  
  
  
Hefting her bag high below her arm, she smiled at her reflection   
  
one more time before skipping to another direction. However, her feet   
  
were frozen to the ground the moment she spotted a distinct reflection   
  
of a man. Relena gasped involuntarily; her hands flew to cover her mouth.   
  
Heero Yui. He was in town? Shopping alone? Unbelievable.  
  
She could never believe her ill luck.  
  
Quickly she turned her back on the reflection on the display window   
  
and lowered her sunglasses before double-checking the figure standing   
  
across the road. Her hands were shaking from both panic and excitement.   
  
The man was definitely Heero Yui, although he seemed to be much   
  
more at ease than the Heero she had encountered in the headquarters   
  
every day, with one hand leaning casually against the traffic light and   
  
the other holding several plastic bags. Silver plastic sunglasses   
  
perched on the bridge of his nose, and he was out of his usual Preventer   
  
uniform.   
  
  
  
It was common knowledge that Heero was her old time flame, but –   
  
God forgives her – she was engaged to Quatre Raberba Winner! Still, she   
  
couldn't resist ogling Heero Yui. He reminded her of the past as she saw   
  
him raking his windblown dark mousy hair; his lean figure looked   
  
irresistible in the high-necked black sleeveless shirt and khakis. It   
  
wasn't exactly his old dress code, but the image he produced brought her   
  
back to last time they had spent together in the abandoned hangar.   
  
Relena could feel a smile forming slowly on her mouth as she craned   
  
her neck to get a better view of Heero. Relena could only sense aura of   
  
relaxation from him, a trait that rarely appeared. Gone was the stealth   
  
he applied on his every movement. He almost looked like an ordinary man.   
  
A beautiful man, Heero Yui was.  
  
He was also the same man who had refused her a few months ago,   
  
claiming he loved and hated her at the same time. The same man who had   
  
kissed her passionately, and yet leaving her empty and dissatisfied   
  
after. The same man who had been her sole obsession since she was   
  
fifteen, young and full of dreams, but lonely.  
  
And the bastard, he was also the first to break his heart.  
  
Relena stiffened at her own thought. She knew she would never   
  
dismiss the memory completely, but she just never expected it to affect   
  
her so strongly. Usually she managed to maintain civil if not friendly   
  
atmosphere during the time they had to work together. So, why now?  
  
  
  
"Aw, let's go!" she groaned. She was just being sentimental. Sure   
  
the strange emotion would fade in a minute.   
  
  
  
Relena commanded herself to move, but her legs wouldn't follow her   
  
order. She placed the sunglasses back before her eyes, but they couldn't   
  
stop spying on Heero. At least the young Preventer member was totally   
  
oblivious of Relena's existence.  
  
  
  
Or may be he wasn't.  
  
  
  
After all, acute senses had always been in his nature, the perfect   
  
soldier.  
  
  
  
Relena gasped, cursing her own stupidity. She should have run when   
  
she had the chance. Heero eventually looked up, a frown between his   
  
brows, his strong hand lifting the sunglasses so they rested on top of   
  
his head. A shudder ran through Relena's spine the moment his cobalt   
  
blue eyes bored into her own baby blue ones. Heero's cold and steely   
  
glare was not a new experience for her, but it still pierced her heart.   
  
  
  
Relena narrowed her eyes in silent scrutiny. The muscles of his   
  
face were hardened as recognition flashed in his eyes, but the display   
  
of emotions ended there. Relena thought she had no reason to fear Heero,   
  
but, as seconds were ticking by, she finally realised she did fear him   
  
for his unpredictability.   
  
  
  
Shaking her head ruefully, Relena let out a dry chuckle and threw   
  
one arm in defeat. Heero Yui was definitely a hopeless case. She knew   
  
what she would do. She would just have to play it cool, crossed the road   
  
in a stride (where she supposed to be heading, anyway), greeted Heero   
  
bravely and went her merry way. Yes, she would just do that.   
  
  
  
Yet, she wouldn't budge from her spot although the crossing light   
  
turned green, and then turned back into red. And neither did Heero.   
  
  
  
She could see his fists tightened around the handles of his   
  
shopping bags as he continued staring into the blueness of Relena's   
  
crystal clear orbs. Relena stepped aback, her heart pumped wildly as she   
  
became self-consciousness. She, Relena Peacecraft, who had hypnotised   
  
her audience whenever she spoke, was frozen by a mere glance of a man.  
  
  
  
It took her several seconds to calm her heart. By the time she   
  
managed ignoring Heero's penetrating gaze, she was all teary and   
  
exhausted…too drained to flee from him. She was a fool for believing   
  
herself to be immune to his frightening gaze. Heero's gaze stripped her   
  
soul barriers, leaving her with nothing to cover her most intimate   
  
emotions.   
  
  
  
Blinking away her tears, Relena clutched her bag close to her heart   
  
and scuttled away to escape the vision of Heero Yui. She would not cross   
  
the road. It was too risky for her sanity. Heero was still looking at   
  
her – she realised this as she felt the hair on her nape pricked. It was   
  
strange, but she thought she sensed thousands of undefined emotions she   
  
had never witnessed before in Heero. She stopped on her track in a   
  
moment of impetuosity, curiosity finally winning over as she whirled her   
  
head to face him once again.   
  
  
  
She never understood him. She thought he wanted her to go away; she   
  
really thought he did. But when she looked into his eyes, there would   
  
always be this naked, undefined emotion – one that finally forced her to   
  
stay. It was always like that. And when she stayed, he refused. When she   
  
left, he pleaded…silently. She didn't know anymore what he wanted of her.   
  
  
  
She needed him to tell her.  
  
  
  
------------------------------------------------  
  
  
  
Heero's heart skipped a beat the moment he saw the lovely vision   
  
before his eyes, suppressing the urge to chuckle at Relena's attempt to   
  
hide her identity with a pair of sunglasses and a black baseball cap. It   
  
would never work for him; he recognised her too well. Those slender   
  
limbs, slim waist, beautiful golden tresses and the cherry red lips…the   
  
way her hips swayed…everything about her screamed Relena Peacecraft to   
  
him. She wasn't totally uncreative though. At least she managed to   
  
deceive most of the civilians around her.  
  
  
  
Heero was unable to take his eyes from her even as he was adjusting   
  
the balance of his shopping bags and leant on his left hip, searching   
  
for the most comfortable stance to continue his watching. The barest tug   
  
at the corners of his lips formed a ghostly little smile as he regarded   
  
her with hooded eyes. The smile became ironic when he saw Relena shifted   
  
from foot to foot in discomfort.   
  
  
  
She was marrying one of his comrades in a few months. Should he   
  
feel regret, perhaps sadness? Or should he be happy? He had no idea. In   
  
fact, he didn't have the slightest clue about what he was feeling inside.   
  
He had driven Relena away from him, and yet he couldn't bring himself to   
  
congratulate the brilliance of his own action and continue as if nothing   
  
had happened in the past few months. After all, he believed he had   
  
removed the obstacle of in his life.  
  
  
  
Relena became extremely polite to him, and never again regarded him   
  
with the warmth she reserved only for her close friends and relatives.   
  
She never bothered him anymore, not even for a friendly chitchat. She   
  
avoided him like a plague, only talking to him when necessary, and with,   
  
he should say, much professionalism.   
  
  
  
He supposed to be happy, but a pang of 'something' drove him insane   
  
instead. It was an uncomfortable twinge at first, but it grew bigger and   
  
bigger and sometimes it would distract him from work. Even worse, he   
  
started making mistakes in his missions, which caused his reputation as   
  
a perfect soldier to suffer.   
  
  
  
He thought he was over with the love thing. He thought by   
  
eliminating their relationship, he could set his life back on the right   
  
track. He told the woman he had loved her, but also hated her to get rid   
  
of everything that he believed bringing nothing but commotions.   
  
  
  
Her face haunted him even in his waking hours. He swore she had had   
  
him poisoned, and the poison lingered, refusing to leave his mind. He   
  
changed; he was not his normal self anymore. But what was normal? He   
  
never dared asking anybody and kept the secret to himself.   
  
  
  
He tried sleeping pills, and yet Relena's face would always float   
  
into his dreams. In the dream he was always mesmerised and reduced into   
  
a dysfunctional person, unable to resist her charms. He always woke up   
  
with sweat drenching his body, shaking with silent longing and those   
  
undefined emotions. Guilt? Love? Again, he had no clue.  
  
  
  
Against all odds, he started stealing glances at the beautiful   
  
diplomat the moment he was sure she wasn't looking his way, even at work.   
  
No matter how many times he looked at her, she was always bold and   
  
strong and beautiful, her blue eyes blazing and sparkling with vivacity   
  
as she impressed the older diplomats around her while getting her job   
  
done efficiently at the same time.  
  
  
  
However, at the moment he was looking at a different Relena – the   
  
Relena outside their working environment. No designer suit, no make-up,   
  
no intricately braided hair. Just Relena and plain Relena – a beautiful   
  
and young single woman in the sky blue spaghetti strapped top and   
  
bootleg jeans, her hair high in a ponytail.   
  
  
  
He surprised himself when a genuine smile spread on his face. Not   
  
quite a smirk, but a gentle one. Relena looked just like an ordinary   
  
woman, and for a moment he could forget who and where he was. At that   
  
moment he was just an ordinary man admiring an ordinary girl on an   
  
uneventful day. May be he could forgo all restrictions and spoke to her   
  
in a more civilised manner for today. Besides, Relena would soon marry   
  
Quatre. A simple greeting wouldn't hurt.  
  
  
  
The light finally turned green again, and he took a deep breath,   
  
strengthening his resolution as he crossed the street purposely. His   
  
hands were cold and clammy as he shifted his loads from hand to hand,   
  
his heart hammering against his ribcage. All this excitement was new to   
  
him, and he was giddy because of it. He was aware of the implications of   
  
allowing his emotions to rule over his head, but he was willing to take   
  
the risk.  
  
  
  
He quickened his pace as he sensed her speeding away from him, her   
  
nervous aura penetrating his senses. He pushed the milling people out of   
  
his way, sending glares potent with his usual steel determination that   
  
caused people to part voluntarily. He only had one mission in his head:   
  
to catch up with Relena, whom he realised was just as afraid as him to   
  
face each other. Nevertheless, he couldn't let her go because he must,   
  
at all cost, clear up everything with Relena and at least settled on a   
  
mutual understanding.  
  
  
  
Today, just today, perhaps he was able to figure out what he   
  
actually desired. 


End file.
